The3Eds
by Alicia-Vega
Summary: Eddy decides to run a shoddy business where he performs all kinds of jobs much to Edd's dismay, and Ed is, well Ed. I disclaim all. What's this? Chapter 5?
1. Misadvenutres Begin

_Well, here's a new story, and my first shot at a humor one. I'm curious to see how it goes._

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Eddy leaned back in his desk chair as he spun a skull on his finger. "Dude, where the heck is Ed with our food!!" He spat as he glowered at Edd.

Edd sighed as he propped himself in a nearby chair - hands folded and resting in his lap. "Well Eddy, considering the fact you informed him to retrieve the food five minutes ago, commom logic would dictate-"

"Bah!!!" Eddy sneered as he forcefully slammed the skull on a nearby desk, "To hell with your big words and logic crap!!" He paused as he rested his feet on the desk table. "I asked 'Where the heck is Ed with our food!!' not for you to give me a big a-"

Edd let out an audible huff as he glanced at the boy. "Well Eddy, I was about to tell you where Ed was but you insisted that I-"

"And I was about to tell you not to give another one of yer big a-" Eddy said in a mocking tone, but was quickly interrupted.

Both boys gave confused stares at the now opened doorway. "Lothar brings the spoils of his pillaging!!!"

Eddy's eyes suddenly lit up as he spoke with sudden zeal. "Alright!!" He exclaimed as he rose a giddy fist, "Hurry and bring me my food, you son of a mother trucker!!!"

Edd frowned. "Ed, how many times must I remind you to not slam my door!?!" He complained as he motioned to various dents in the wall.

Ed blinked. "Sure I'll do it, whatever ya just said!!"

"You've no idea what I meant, do you Ed?" Edd sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. Ed gave a wide-eyed stare at the boy as he gave a half-salute.

An awkward slience followed, but was quickly broken as Eddy let out a sneeze. "Man!!" Eddy sniffed as he ran a finger under his nose, "Some dumb broad must be talking about me!!"

Edd folded his arms. "Well, that's nothing new Eddy," He spoke in a bored tone, "since you sneeze and say that pretty much every day." Eddy lowered his brow as he glanced at Ed, as he dumped the contents within two paper bags on the floor. He gave a sigh of annoyance before he sneered at Edd, who sported a slight smirk.

Ed dropped on his knees as he grabbed a handful of food items before giving Eddy a vacant stare. "Yah Eddy," He spoke as he shoved all of the food in his mouth, "Yu shay zat zevery day, ut shu neber whant tshu elieve za truth!!"

Eddy rose an eyebrow as Edd winced at the sight of a huge grotesque lump moving down Ed's throat. "Ed you idiot, didn't your mom tell you not to talk with your mouth full?" He questioned as a hand rustled through his hair. "I mean, I like to break rules as much as the next guy, but come on!!" Eddy paused to clear his throat. "I'm sorry dude, but I'm afraid that's coming out of your paycheck man."

Edd's eyes narrowed as he glowered at Eddy. "Which leads me to state, when exactly will we be 'Rolling in dough' Eddy?" Eddy cleared his throat again as he rose up from his chair. Edd winced as he saw Eddy strolling towards Ed with his arms behind his back, as if to seem important. "Could you please not do that?" He asked. "You actually hurt me everytime you do that!!"

Eddy chortled as he gave Edd a confused stare. "Really?" He intruiged, "You should've told me that sooner Ed!!"

Ed sported a zealous smile as he gave a half-salute. "Sorry chief, but I'll remember to remember you later!!"

Eddy gave Ed a forceful smack as he turned towards his desk. "Good, you'd better do that - otherwise you're fired!!"

"Eddy!!!" Edd shouted in protest, "Ed did nothing that constituted a smack you sarsicistic ninny!!!"

Eddy and Ed gave the boy baffled gazes. "What the heck does that mean!!!" Eddy yelled as Ed tipped his head to the side. "I mean come on, Ed and me speak English, not that Flarg-blargitty crap!!"

Edd only sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots..." He whimpered as he stood up, running a hand across his forehead.

"What?" Eddy questioned as he pointed a menacing finger at the boy, "You know that nobody keeps secrets here panty head!!!" He walked over to Ed, placing a hand behind the boy's head. "Ed here knows the drill: 'Speak up, or forever hold your-"

Edd interrupted as Eddy moved Ed's head up and down. "If you must know, I called you two incompetent imbeciles!!" Eddy and Ed once again gave the boy baffled stares.

"What?" Eddy questioned as he shoved Ed onto the ground.

Edd blinked. "I said you both are incompetent-"

Eddy shook his head. "No, I mean what the heck did you say? I didn't understand one word!!"

"I meant you both are stupid idiots!!" Edd spat in an angered tone as he slapped his forehead.

Eddy gave the boy a vacant stare before he blinked. "Well why didn't you say that before!?!" He stamped a foot on Ed's head, before rubbing it around. "I really don't hate to say this, but that's coming out of your paycheck!!"

The trio immediately stopped as they heard a female voice yell from the next room. "Will you boys shut up!!!" Eddy glanced at the wall before he strolled over to it in an important manner.

"No." He stated as he placed his arms behind his back, at which point Edd winced. The boy snickered before he continued. "My faithful underling Edd has generously donated his room to me as my HQ." Eddy rose a finger in the air as he turned sideways. "You should also be aware that it shall stay that way. Unless of course, you...harass us...again - please don't do that."

"Eddy's the man!!!" Ed exclaimed as he suddenly rose up, holding his thumbs up in the air. Eddy smirked as he turned to Edd.

"You see Double D?" He questioned as he gestured to Ed, who wiped a bananna under his armpit and then smelled it - totally oblivious to the conversation taking place. "Ed here could teach you a thing or two about how to shutup every once in a while!!"

The trio paused once again, turning towards the same wall after hearing an extremely audible 'bang'. "Shut the fu-" Eddy was quickly given a forceful slap by Ed, who quickly interjected.

"Whoops, sorry bout that Eddy." He spoke as he lifted the now dazed boy by his hair. "But, no need to say anything Eddy - as I would not get it anyways!!"

Edd sighed as Ed sported a giddy smirk. "Yes Ed, where would we be if you actually understood what we say more than once in a while." Edd shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he glanced at Eddy. "I've no idea how we're going to deal with Eddy this time, but nonetheless at least you saved us another visist from 'him'."

Ed quickly dropped Eddy as his body began to shake nervously. "The last time 'he' came, I couldn't go near gravy for a month!!!"

Edd walked over to his friend, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder. "There there Ed," He spoke as he forced a smile, "at the very least you stopped Eddy from causing a ruckus with the Kankers."

Ed gave a slight smirk, at which point Edd scratched the back of his head in embarrasment. A phone that rested against the wall began to ring, causing both Eds to glance at it. Eddy immediately sprung to his feet, backhanding both boys' arms which layed idle at their sides. He paced over to the phone and pulled it off its base. Eddy hopped into the desk chair and spun it around to face the window.

Eddy cleared his throat. "Hello, you've reached The3Eds, where we specialize in all sorts of jobs. Our talent skills range from fixing cars, to watching rambuncsious kids, to helping you with your prom date. Here at The3Eds we will-"

"Yeah, whatever," A voice said uninterestedly, "I heard that you guys had a company and was wondering if-"

Eddy put a hand on the bottom part of the phone as he socked Ed who was standing over him. The tall boy immediately keeled over and was sent sliding into Edd after he was given a forceful kick.

Eddy grinned before he took his hand off. "Anyway, who the heck is calling?" He questioned as he began to study his nails.

"Eddy?" The voice asked, "This is Jimmy, and I was wondering if-"

Eddy jumped from his seat, as he threw the phone back onto its base. "Got it Jimmy, we'll be there faster than you can hurt yourself with a feather!!" He shouted with sudden zeal.

Edd sighed. "From what I gathered from the conversation, you did not inquire what it was Jimmy required us to do."

Eddy came to an abrupt pause. "No."

"It figures," Edd began as he trudged over to the door, "you've too short of an attention span to stay focused more often than others would like."

Eddy gasped. "I do not!!" He outbursted in disbelief, "You got a better chance of -" The boy quickly interrupted himself as he gazed at the food cluttered on the floor. "Man, who's the idiot who spilled all this!?!"

Edd slapped his forehead. "Eddy, don't you recall that it was-"

"Not now!!" Eddy quickly interrupted. "I'd try to discover the culprit - though I digress; we've got to go to Jimmy and see whatever the heck he wants!!" Eddy paced over towards the door, which he slammed open before disappearing in the hallway. "I trust one of you idiots will remember to remind me of this later!!" Eddy's voice trailed as he walked further down the hall.

Ed blinked. "I shall duly note this, that Double D!!" The boy exclaimed gleefully as he trotted in place. "Hurry up Double D, or Eddy will take somehting out your paycheck!!" Ed called as he too, disappeared in the hall.

Edd rose his right arm to his chest as he began to rub it with his left. "God, just kill me now..." He whimpered as he walked out the doorway, gently closing the door behind him.

---

Eddy tapped his foot impatiently as he saw Ed trot over to him, followed by Double D, who moved at a slow pace. "Where the heck were you two!?!" He questioned, "I don't pay you idiots to just sit around and dilly dally!!" Eddy moved his arms behind his back as he turned his back to the two. "Though if I did, I wouldn't be saying 'That's coming out of your paycheck!!'"

"Ed blinked. "You mean it isn't?" He asked as his eyes suddenly lit up. Edd only glanced away.

"Oh no, it still is coming out of your paycheck." Eddy said, eyes half closed and an indignant finger up in the air to make himself seem important. Ed frowned as Eddy gazed around the hall. "Man!!" He shouted in annoyance, "Where the heck is Jimmy's room!?!"

Edd paced over toward his colleagues as he heaved a sigh. "I see you didn't keep the directory map they gave us for the dormitroy building."

Eddy faced Edd for a second, then quickly glanced away. "I'd tell you I didn't keep it, but if I did your big lame brain would explode from being overly exposed to my awesomness!!"

Edd narrowed his eyes as Eddy gave a devilish grin. "Unfortunately Eddy, you just informed me you didn't keep it, and still I remain intact."

Ed glanced at the two, who had begun arguing, and then around the hall. "Guys," He said as he pointed to a door in front of him, "I think I found Jimmy's room!!"

Eddy, who had his hand on Double D's face, quickly shoved the boy onto the floor as he turned to Ed. "Nice Ed, remind me to give you something later.

Ed frowned. "But Eddy I-"

Eddy closed his eyes as he waved his finger. "Sorry Ed, you just screwed yourself and lost your reward." Eddy began to open the door as Ed made soft whimpering noises.

Edd huffed."I can already tell that something is inevitably going to go wrong, and somehow I'm going to get blamed for it."

Eddy turned his head back as he swung the door open. "You sure catch on quickly, don't ya sockhead?" Eddy faced the open doorway as he clasped his hands in anticipation. "Alright Jimbo, what'll it-" The boy immediately stopped as he witnessed Jimmy holding two dolls in the air, and changed his voice to say aloud the lines he'd planned for them.

"Well runt, I'm guessing you ain't holding those for Sarah." He smirked as Jimmy spun to face his intruders, and quickly shoved the dolls behind his back.

Jimmy's cheeks became flushed as he stood up and gazed at the trio. "Well, I uhhh-"

Eddy motioned his hand for Jimmy to stop as he slightly tilted his head to the side, closing his eyes. "Whatever, we ain't got time for life stories, so hurry up and tell us what you need."

Jimmy tossed the dolls onto his bed and proceeded to clear his throat. "Right, about that. You see tomorrow is Sarah's birthday and I've been so busy with the party, that I forgot to pick up some presents for her."

Eddy blinked. "Yeah, yeah why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"Well, I was going to, but you rudely hung up on me Eddy!!" Jimmy frowned as Eddy glanced away, running a hand through his hair.

Eddy let out a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that fluffy."

Edd gently nudged Ed aside as he walked into the room. "What did you have in mind in terms of presents?" He intruigued as he placed a hand under his chin.

"Well, I really didn't have anything in mind..." He trailed off as he faced Edd, "...but anything like that jumbo deluxe Santa Marina Ashley Malibu Resort Beach House would suffice, I guess."

Eddy's eyes perked up. "Whoah whoah whoah!!" He outbursted in shock, "Do you know how much those things cost!?!"

Edd swiveled his head towards the boy. "What's so bad about the price?" He pondered aloud.

"Those things are like $250 a piece man!!!" He shouted as he rubbed his index finger on his thumb. "You jerk!!" Eddy yelled as he stomped one foot towards Jimmy, who raised his hands in defense. "I hope you're giving us the money for that crap, because I certainly ain't paying!!!"

Ed walked towards Eddy, placing a consoling hand on the boy's shoulder. "It's okay friend, you've got like thousands of dollars in your account!!"

Both Jimmy and Edd perked up in realization. "You most certainly do Eddy!!" Edd exclaimed as he snapped his fingers, "I mean we certainly were paid an extremely more than fair amount of money!!" Edd closed his eyes as he continued. "And I would certainly hope you don't get me started on re-run payment mister."

Eddy gave the three a vacant stare before he placed his head in his hands. "Yeah, I know that," He moaned, "but its my money!!" He kicked Ed in the 'spot' as he folded his arms and turned away. "And God knows _when_ I'll share _my_ money!!"

"Oh please Eddy!!" Jimmy whined as he clasped his hands and proceeded to beg, "You've got hundreds of thousands of dollars in your account!! Could you at least spare $250? If you think about it, it wouldn't even come close to putting a dent in your account!!"

Eddy peered over his shoulder. "Well, I guess I could do that, but..."

Jimmy perked up with sudden zeal. "But?" He asked in anticipation.

"...but, on terms of agreement that you shall bow to me whenever you see me, refer to me as Lord - no, Master Eddy, and kiss my feet in awe of my amazingness!!"

Jimmy pondered for a moment. "Well," He whispered to himself, "it is for Sarah..." The boy began to kneel down, as Eddy sported a devilish grin. He knelt on one knee, but was immediately halted before he could go any further.

Edd placed a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "Think about this thoroughly Jimmy, this is Eddy we're talking about."

Eddy shot Edd a death glare, then frowned as he saw Jimmy rise up. "You know, I'd totally kick your butt right now, but I'm too lazy." He glanced at Ed who was rolling around in pain and let out a slight chortle. "Anyway sockhead, I'm just fair warning you so that you can't logic yourself out of a buttkicking later on."

"I'll be sure to make many mental notes of that Eddy." Edd said uninterestedly, showing that Eddy's threat had little to none phased him.

Eddy angrily folded his arms, closing his eyes as he huffed. "Oh you're asking for it," He said gravely, "but I'll be nice and just take that off your paycheck."

Edd gazed down at Jimmy. "So, where are we to acquire one of these doll houses for Sarah, Jimmy?"

Jimmy glanced up at the ceiling as he placed a finger on his chin. "Toys R Us, I guess." He spoke as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, as much as a pain it's been talking to ya Jimmy, we'd best be getting that stinkin doll house!!" He sarcastically exclaimed as he clasped his hands together. He grabbed Ed's collar and began to drag him out into the hallway. "Untie your panties so we can get out of this nuthouse sockhead!!" He faintly yelled as he trudged further into the hallway.

Jimmy walked over to his droor, and pulled out a coinbag. He fished into it and quickly pulled out $250 dollars which he handed to Edd. "Here, I mean it is for Sarah." He said with a smirk as Double D accepted the money.

"I really don't wish to accept this, but it is your gift Jimmy." Edd said as he walked into the hallway, waving Jimmy goodbye.

Jimmy chortled to himself as he went back to pick up his dolls. "Knowing how Eddy drives, they'll be _lucky_ if they get there with Eddy having caused only five accidents.

---

The trio of Eds strolled out into the parking lot as they began to gaze at all the cars.

"Crap," Eddy muttered, "I know my Thunderbird's here somewhere!!"

Double D sported a grin. "Perhaps it was towed because it brought down property values. After all, this is a prestigious part of town."

Eddy's eyebrows lowered. "Don't even joke like that man," He scoffed as he shoved a menacing finger in the boy's face, "that's not funny, and that was like one of the best cars ever!!! Man, that thing always ran smooth..."

Ed suddenly perked up. "Like your ex?" He questioned as he began to chuckle. Edd let out a chuckle as well.

Eddy grimaced. "Heck no!!" The boy barked, "I mean she was good and all, but this thing's awesomer!! She would totally have to bow at its awesomeness!!"

"What about you Eddy?" Edd questioned as he folded his arms, "If its so awesome, why is it that I never see you bow to it?"

Eddy rose an index finger in the air, as he began to speak in a manner that would make him seem important. "Because, well that thing's awesome - don't get me wrong, but everyone knows I'm on a whole different level of awesome!!"

Edd sighed. "Of course," he began, "we all know you're too egotistical to believe anything else."

Eddy triumphantly placed his hands on his hips. "Darn righ-" He paused as he realized what he was saying. "I don't know what the crap you just said, all I know was that I was agreeing with you!!" Edd placed a hand over his mouth to conceal a chortle he'd let out. "For using big words, and making me almost agree to something I had no idea what I was agreeing to, that's coming out of your paycheck!!" Eddy angrily paced further into the parking lot as Ed began to quickly follow suite.

"Who would've guessed that would end up being the result of this conversation?" Edd pondered to himself as he slowly paced behind the two.

"Alright you idiots," Eddy spat as they reached his black raggedy thunderbird, "shutup and get in the car!!"

Ed quickly ran to the rear door and hastily opened it, immediately leaping in the car. "Hello tarnished back car seat, I missed you so!! You won't believe what happened with Eddy and-"

Edd chuckled as he glanced at Ed. "Slow down there Ed, after all, Eddy can't afford for you to get hurt!!"

Eddy fished through his pockets as Edd propped himself into the passenger seat, immediately strapping on the safety belt. Eddy gazed at a nearby Mclaren as he opened his door with the opposite hand. He strolled to the back of the car and read the liscense plate. "KEVIN27," The boy angrily muttered as he pulled out his keys.

Edd glanced at Ed, who was holding a conversation with the fluff jutting out of the car seat. He raised a curious eyebrow as he began to open his mouth, but stopped to mutter under his breath. "No sense holding a conversation with him, he's in his own little-" Edd stopped as he saw Eddy pace around the car, scratching in various designs with his keys. The boy then stopped at the hood and began to carve in, 'Eddy wuz here'. Eddy chortled to himself as he trudged back to his own car; his task complete.

"Who's car was that?" Edd pondered aloud as Eddy shoved the keys into the ignition.

Eddy blinked, before he turned his head towards Edd. "No one in particular..." He trailed off as he raised his foot.

Double D frowned. "I'll have you know that was immoral, and whoever's the owner of that car could very well end up pressing charges!!"

Eddy glanced away as he rose up his hand, forming a mock mouth. "Oh, look at me," He spoke as he motioned the hand like a mouth, "I'm Double D and I think rules are cool, and I wear panties - I especially like them on my head!! Blah, blah, blah, blah I'm so nerdy - Eddy's the only real friend I have!!! Oh I'm such a huge pimple on the butt of society!!"

Edd grimaced as his eyes became somewhat focused on the floor. "Touche'"

Eddy placed his hands on the steering wheel as he turned towards Edd. "Darn right!!" He exclaimed as he adjusted the gear shift to _drive_. He adjusted the mirror, and still saw Ed talking with the fluff. "Ed put your seatbelt on so we can-" Eddy paused as he thought for a brief moment. "No, wait, on second thought screw that - one less moron I've to pay!!" The boy shouted gleefully as he forcefully stamped on the gas pedal, nulling Edd's deathcurdling screams and Ed's outcries of joy.

---

Kevin strolled into the parking lot as he adjusted his sunglasses, spinning his keys with the other hand. He began to whistle, but came to an abrupt stop as he witnessed all of the scratches on his car.

"Crap," He muttered angrily, "who's the dork that-" The jock immediately cut himself off as he witnessed the writing on his hood. Kevin removed his sunglasses as he threw them onto the ground in anger. He stomped on the glasses and then proceeded to swish the broken pieces around with his foot. The boy clenched his hands into fists as he yelled in anger. "DORK!!!!"

---

Eddy sported a devilish grin as he quickly merged one lane over.

"Eddy!!" Edd complained as he glared at the boy.

Ed, who was laying haphazardly in the back, sported a dazed expression. "Do it again!!" He shouted with joy.

Edd rested his cheek on his knuckle as he glanced ahead. "Why were you grinning earlier Eddy?" He carelessy asked as he continued to gaze out the window.

Eddy slightly chortled to himself as he gently nudged a car beside him, at which point the car's driver flared the horn. "No reason," He said between chortles, "but, let's just say somebody got a little surprise."

Edd yawned. "Well, knowing you, it wasn't a pleasent surprise now was it?"

Eddy paused as he mergerd over another lane without looking, casuing car horns to flare in response. "No." He said with no hint of expression in his tone or on his face.

Edd momentarily glanced at Eddy. "I figured so."

---

The Thunderbird came to a sudden stop, resulting in the front wheels being propped up on the curb, and an extremely long skidmark left in the car's wake.

The passenger door quickly swung open as Edd's head began to emerge. However, the door swung back and collided with the boy's face. "Ha!!" Eddy laughed as he rose one foot on the curb, "You gotta push the door harder sockhead, otherwise that'll happen!!!"

Edd grimaced as he slowly opened the door. "A fair warning would have been pleasent!!" He spat as he got out the car, slamming the door to a close.

Ed blinked. "Oh is poppy poopy pants Double D still grumpy from his nappy?" Ed mocked as he pinched Edd's cheek.

Eddy chuckled as Edd winced in pain. "Man sockhead, I hate to be the first to say it - well actually I don't, but that's not the point." Eddy paused as he witnessed Ed and Edd's bewildered gazes. "Look, what I'm trying to say is - ah, screw it; I have no idea where I'm going with this. Let's just go get that freakin doll house!!"

Both Ed and Edd blinked as they witnessed Eddy disappear into the store. Ed let go of Edd's cheek as he sprinted inside. "Hurry up Double D!!" He called as he too disappeared into the store.

Edd whimpered as he gazed up into the sky. "Why God, why?" Edd asked as he slowly trudged into the store.

---

"What are you two doing?" Edd asked, bewildered. "I thought you two - well Eddy, I thought you were so eager to buy that dollhouse?"

Eddy moved an elbow in Ed's face, as he attempted to create more room for himself. "I was, but that was until I found this rad firetruck ride!!" He giddily exclaimed. "Look," He said as he depressed a button, "this thing's got working lights and a built in horn!!"

Edd winced as he was immediately exposed to the blasting horn. "Just come on you two." He said as he tapped his foot impatiently.

Eddy shut his eyes as he waved his hand at Edd, motioning for him to shoo. "I'm the boss, which means I tell you morons went to go and when to stay!!" He paused as he placed his hands on the plastic steering wheel. "Since Ed here's been good and hasn't said nothing to annoy me all day - miraculously, he gets to stay; now hurry up and buy that stupid house!!"

Edd huffed as he turned away. "Oh, and I suppose that this is coming out of my paycheck, right?" He asked as he peered over his shoulder.

Eddy rose an impressed finger in the air. "You're way smarter than I give you credit for sockhead, so I won't yell this next sentence." He momentarily paused to clear his throat. "Hurry up, and get that frickin doll house so we can get out of here." An awkward silence followed, the trio of Eds raising their eyes, baffled at Eddy's last sentence. "Dude," Eddy said shocked, "that had like no emotion!! It was like a monotone robot talking!!"

"Well, at any rate I'd best be buying that dollhouse." Edd spoke as he paced off.

Eddy blinked. "Yeah you should, or else-"

Eddy felt a tug on his shirt, and gazed over to his side to witness a kid with a hand on his shirt. "He mister," The kid said, "can I have a turn on that?"

Eddy gave the kid a bewildered stare. "Beat it kid, this is the big kid ride now!!" He then sported a devilish grin. "Unless of course, you've got ten dollars."

The kid began to whimper as he took off in another direction. "Mommy!!" He cried.

---

Edd walked into the checkout line, dollhouse box in hand. He peered over his shoulder as he witnessed a young kid running into his mom's arms. "Mommy!!" He cried, "Some mean big kid yelled at me and said I couldn't get on the firetrruck unless I paid him ten dollars!!"

The kid's mom picked him up and began to rock him in her arms. "There, there," She said as he rubbed his eyes, "mommy will make it better."

Edd heaved a sigh as he turned around. "I wish my mom could've been like that..." He walked forward in the line, but felt a man outragousely close to his back. Edd procedeed forward to pay for the dollhouse, but felt something tap his bottom. He didn't dare to turn around, instead shuddering in disbelief. "I-I-I don't believe-" Edd muttered to himself, one word constantly racing through his mind. The boy grinned slightly as he pictured what Eddy what've said in this situation.

_Fag._

Edd sighed as he set the dollhouse down, and pulled out the money Jimmy had given them.

"One Ashley dollhouse," The cashier chortled to herself, "that'll be two-fifty sir."

Edd's cheeks became flushed. "Well, you see it's - ah screw it, I've been through more than I would've liked today..."

---

Eddy folded his arms. "Look lady, I'm telling you, this is a free country!! And I'll have you know that I can frickin charge kids to get on this ride as much as I frickin please!! Frick!!!"

The lady glared at Eddy, and then huffed as she gave the boy a forceful smack. The kid and Ed gazed at Eddy and the lady in shock.

Eddy gasped. "Y-y-y-you!?!"

"Damn straight!!" She yelled smugly. "Come on Ricky, we're leaving!!" She huffed as she dragged her kid out of the store. The kid gazed back at Eddy through the window, then promptly pulled his pants down as he bent over.

Eddy's eyes widened. "That little punk!!" He cried, "Just wait'll I-"

Ed put his hand on the boy's shoulder as he shook his head. "Just let it go Eddy." Ed sighed, "We ended up lucky she didn't press charges."

Eddy huffed. "Yeah, I guess you're right, but the next time I see that punk-"

"Well gentlemen, and I use that term lightly, we'd best be on our way." Edd spoke as he walked out the store.

"Time to head home!!" Ed exclaimed as he jumped out of the firetruck.

Eddy slowly slid out of the toy ride and began to trudge out the door. "Man, there's so many frickin crackheads runnin loose these days.." He muttered as he rubbed a hand on his now sore cheek.

---

"Well Jimmy," Edd said as he handed the dollhouse to the boy, "it wasn't easy, but we were able to retrieve it!!"

Jimmy paced over to the boy and took the box. "Thanks for your asistance, and I slid your payment under your door - twenty-five dollars and an invitation to Sarah's party."

Eddy placed an elbow on the wall as he rested his head in his hand. "Whoop-de-doo Jimmy, that's real grand!!" He exclaimed sarcastically.

Double D turned back and proceeded to walk out the door. Eddy sighed impatiently as he began to follow Edd.

"Where's Ed?" Edd questioned aloud as he gazed around the hall.

Eddy placed his hands behind his head. "He's back at the room, because he was too special to wait to watch that stupid Space Outlaw show like a normal person!!" Eddy formed a fist with his right hand, which he began to shake violently. "Remind me to put a huge dent in his paycheck!!"

Edd chortled to himself as they reached the room. "Duly noted...boss!!"

Eddy sported a devilish grin. "That's more like it sockhead, remind me to give you some kind of raise later."

Edd frowned. "But Eddy, I-"

Eddy quickly backhanded Edd's head, sporting a zealous grin. "You're fired!!"

Edd waved his arms in protest as Eddy opened the door to the room, then slamming it to an abrupt close. "Eddy!!" Edd yelled as he banged on the door, "How can you lock me out of my own room!!!"

The door slowly opened, after which a boot came flying out and collided with Edd's face. "Shutup!!" Eddy and Ed yelled as the door once again slammed to a close.

_Well, this is my first attempt at a humor fic, and I hope this one's successful. At any rate, you know the drill: read and review._


	2. Fire'n Fistfights

_Alright, here's chapter 2. WARNING: There is arson and blood drawing violence in this chapter!!_

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Eddy yawned as he rested his hands behind his head and propped his feet on the desk. "Dude," He said after blowing into a noisemaker in his mouth, "that dumb broad Nazz went way too far..."

Edd sighed as he pressed his back against the wall. "Well, it depends on how you look at what happened Eddy," He paused as he briefly glanced at the boy. "I mean you're way too egotistical to believe that you actually intended to fall onto Nazz like that."

Eddy blinked as he blew into the noisemaker. "Shutup sockhead!!" He spat as he gazed at the boy. "I was talking to myself, not you!!"

Edd folded his arms as he closed his eyes. "Just throwing my thoughts out there is all."

"Well, I'd appreciate it if you kept your thoughts in your hand!!" Eddy yelled as he gazed at the door. He quickly glanced at Edd, who was tapping his foot against the wall. He rested a hand under his cheek as he pondered aloud, "Where the hell is Ed!?!"

"Eddy, Ed informed us that he'd-"

Eddy slammed a fist on the desk. "It was one of those rhetorical question thingies sockhead!!" Eddy irately spat, "Besides, I'd hate to be the guy that plays twenty questions with you."

Edd rubbed his knee. "I'm sure just about everyone would hate that..." Edd muttered as he glowered at Eddy. "Though, I must admit, I'm impressed you know how to pronounce rhetorical." The boy paused as he cleared his throat. "Unfortunately, I'm guessing you've no idea what brings up a rhetorical question."

Eddy clasped his hands in amazement. "I see the new, no using big words or you're fired policy is really catching on; eh, sockhead?"

Edd slapped his forehead. "The only reason I didn't say constitutes, is because you would've said something like-"

"And I bet you've know idea what constitutes me not having _fun _with your sister!!" Eddy interrupted as he let out a chortle.

Edd frowned. "Why is it that people always bring my family into their insults?" He pondered aloud as he uttered slight whimpers.

Eddy closed his eyes as he rose a finger in the air. "It's because you leave yourself open like that Double D!!" He paused as he began to rock back and forth in the chair. "All ya need is a waffle iron, a date with Nazz, a yo mamma battle with Rolf, four gallons of ice cream, and some boxing gloves!!"

Double D shuddered. "I'd ask you what all of that actually has to do with my alleged problem, but I shudder to think so."

"Well," Eddy sighed, "if you're to much of an uptight, lame, unadventurous nerd to believe all that, God knows you really don't want to find out what I actually did."

Edd closed his eyes as he bent his head down. "I shall fear the day you face judgement Eddy.." Edd said gravely as he glanced at the boy.

Eddy gazed bewildered at the boy, before he formed an indignant fist. "I fear the day your sister shoe beats you like the smart assed step-child you are, because I told her we're through!!"

Edd whimpered. "Why!?!" He asked as he rose his arms and gazed at the ceiling, "God, why must everyone hate me so!?!"

Eddy rose an eyebrow. "Dude," He chuckled as he pointed at the boy, "it's because you're so pathetic like that!!" Eddy paused as he scratched his neck. "But, more importantly, you're that huge grotesque zit on the ass of society!!"

Edd narrowed his eyes as he glared at Eddy. "Right now, I actually ponder the question of 'Where the hell is Ed!?!'"

Eddy chuckled. "Wow, I must've got you pretty pissed for you to cuss like that sockhead!!"

Edd blinked. "I was simply hoping he'd get back soon, so that you'd insult him instead." Edd paused as he turned his back to Eddy. "After all, you must be tiring from just insulting me."

Eddy raised a finger as he corrected the boy. "Oh no," He said smugly, "you seem to've forgotten that laughing at other people's misfortunes _always _makes my day." Eddy huffed as he glowered at the still shut door. "When Ed gets back, remind me to demerit his paycheck for: taking an unexcused absence, taking too long to return from an unexcused absence, making me spend unnesicarily long amounts of time with you, and for making me spend time with you!!"

Edd peered over his shoulder. "But Eddy, you already said he'd be marked for making me spend time with you!!" He slowly exhaled as he witnessed Eddy studying his fingernails.

"Don't think you're off the hook panty head..." Eddy grumbled as he continued to study his nails, "...In fact, I'm marking you for: smart remarks, more smart remarks, even more smart remarks, existing, insulting my intelligence, snitching to Kevin that it was me who screwed his car, and-"

Edd interrupted the boy as he turned around. "You seem to completely avoid the fact that it was _you _who inscribed 'Eddy wuz here' on the hood of Kevin's car."

Eddy blinked as he cleared his throat. "and, interrupting me in the middle of my sentence, using big words, using more big words, using big words again, still using big words, and insulting my awesomeness one too many times!!" He scoffed as he counted on his fingers.

Edd slapped his forehead. "By now, both Ed and my paychecks must be completely tarnished..." He muttered as he witnessed the door slam open.

Ed slowly trudged into the room, grave expression on his face. "Sorry guys, but I had to go all the way to the other side of town to get that stuff you wanted Eddy and then I had to go to the tow truck yard because I took your Thunderbird without asking because I really needed to go to the other side of town really bad and I hope that you will-"

"Ed, breathe, slow down, and remember to use commas as well as periods." Edd stated as he motioned for Ed to stop.

Eddy slammed a hand on the desk as he shook an irate fist. "Don't you dare tell him to slow down!!" Eddy spat, "The less morons I have to pay, the better!!" He folded his arms as he witnessed the two shooting him vacant gazes. "Also sockhead, if I catch you filling his tiny miniscule brain with that: big words are better than small ones, proper English is awesomer than Ebonics, and always make use of quotation marks crap, so help me, I'll throw you right out the frickin window!!"

Edd placed a hand on Ed's shoulder. "Ed, I would hope that foul cretin hasn't tainted your poor misguided soul." He sighed as he shut his eyes.

Eddy stood up as he slammed his hands on the desk. "I'll have you know I've done nothing to that burr-head of an idiot!!" Eddy scratched his elbow as he turned towards Ed. "I figured your dumb retarted son of a jackass would do something like this..." Ed frowned as he paused to reach into his back pocket. "...Which is exactly why I stole - err borrowed - I mean, bought me a brand spankin new Mclaren!!"

Edd's brow drooped. "Let me guess, you raided Kevin's room - not only did you steal his keys to his Mclaren - well, God knows you'd go further than that, but I digress - you also raided his wallet and retrieved his money!!"

Eddy sported a wide zealous grin as he took out a wad of cash, and folded it like a fan. "I know, aren't me awesome!?!" His zealous grin morphed into a devilish one as he faced Edd. "See how greatly awesome it be to jack up that English language?"

Edd bent his knee as he placed a hand over it. "I hate to ask," Edd said as he heaved a sigh, "but I've a gut feeling you stole something else."

"Yeah, I couldn't settle for a thousand dollars in me cash money sockhead!!" Eddy giddily exclaimed, "So, I nabbed this sexy complimentary photo of Nazz!!" Both Ed and Edd's cheeks became flushed as they gazed at the picture that had captured Nazz in a...peculiar position. Edd quickly pulled his hat over his eyes, while Ed shifted his gaze to the ceiling; twiddling his fingers in the proccess.

Eddy only chuckled at his colleagues' reactions. "What's the matter?" He mocked as he leaned forward, "You losers still ain't hit puberty yet!?!"

Edd turned his back towards Eddy as he lifted his hat up. "You do realize that Kevin will very well end up pressing charges?" He questioned as he folded his arms.

Eddy's laughter came to an abrupt halt. "That's exactly why I hired you sockhead, you always think of everything!!" Eddy then pointed his thumb toward himself as he assumed an egotistical pose. "See, are I smart?"

Ed shifted his gaze to Eddy as he began to giddily hop up and down, clapping his hands. "You are the man Eddy!!"

Eddy gestured to Ed as he glowered at Double D. "Again, I say, 'You could learn a few things from Ed here!!'"

Edd slowly shifted his body to face Eddy. "One would wonder what it was, that you did to null Kevin's desire to kill you?" Edd pondered as he slightly tilted his head.

Eddy paused as he motioned for Ed to stop. "Well, let's just say I talked with ol' Danny and my kick ass older bro, and they got this situation under control!!" He cleared his throat as he once again assumed another egotistical pose. "The whole story is way too frickin long and adventurous for you morons, so I'll just tell you that Danny boy gave shovel-chin a raise, a new Mclaren, and each of us restraining orders!!"

Edd glowered at Eddy, while Ed gave the boy a thumbs up. "And how exactly is that all good?" Edd questioned as he scratched his thigh.

Eddy blinked. "Because sockhead," He began as he placed his arms behind his back, "it'll shut Kevin up and, more importantly, keep him away from me!!!" He frowned as he glanced at the floor. "...Although, the restraining order won't come in effect until one year from now..."

Edd proceeded to open his mouth to speak, but was cut off as the phone abruptly rang. Ed began to dash over to it, but Eddy jumped and smashed him to the floor with a nearby hammer he'd retrieved. Eddy swiftly landed on his feet and then sprinted over to the phone. He tossed the hammer at an ususpecting Edd, who tipped over from the weight of the hammer as soon as he caught it. Eddy pounded the wall with a fist, causing the phone to fall and land in his hand. He hopped into his desk chair, resulting in it spinning to face the desk. The boy propped his feet on the desk as he began to talk.

"Hello, valued customer, you've reached The3Eds - totally awesome dudes performing your needed jobs for an extremely reasonable-"

The caller sighed. "Sorry, but could you skip the intro?"

Eddy huffed as he ran a finger in his nose. "Man," He said as he pulled out a booger, which he promptly flung onto the floor. "Nobody wants to hear the intro...Anyway what'll it be today caller?"

The voice perked up. "Yeah, this is like Nazz, and I was wondering if you dudes could-"

Sweat began to trickle down Eddy's face. His heart raced as he began to nervously outburst into the phone. "Look Nazz," Eddy began to plead, "what happened yesterday was an accident!! It was an err - it was a dare!!...yeah!! So, uhh...can you forgive me?"

A short silence followed, but was broken as Nazz let out a chuckle. "Yeah, whatever you say dude.." She trailed off and paused for a moment before continuing. "Anyway, I don't feel comfortable telling you what I need on the phone, so could you dudes like come to my room?"

Eddy stood up as he raised a valiant fist in the air. "Sure thing Nazz, we'll be there faster than Ed can count to ten!!"

"You're funny Eddy!!" Nazz chortled.

Eddy let out a wide zealous smirk. "Are I though?"

Nazz paused. "What'd you say dude?"

Eddy glanced at the wall as he forced a nervous laugh. "Nothing, but at any rate we'd best get going!!" He quickly exclaimed in a nervous tone as he threw the phone back onto its base.

Ed placed a finger on his chin. "Who was that Eddy?" He pondered aloud.

Eddy blinked. "Didn't you hear the conversation!?!" He narrowed his eyes as Ed shook his head. Eddy then huffed as he said, "Oh, ye Gods!! It was Nazz you dumb-"

Edd placed a hand on his hip. "Well we'd best be going gentelmen, after all it is quite rude to keep a fine, sophisticated woman such as Nazz waiting."

Eddy folded his arms behind his back as he paced towards Ed. "I'll tell ya what's quite rude sockhead," Eddy sneered as he shoved Ed with his foot, "lying to your sister by saying I had Genital Herpes so she'd constantly refuse to have me shove my-"

Ed quickly rose to his feet, still dazed from when he was hit with the hammer. "I am a little tea-pot, short and stout mommy..."

Eddy let out a devilish smirk. "Oh no Ed!!" He exclaimed as he pointed out the window, "Sarah's about to come crashing through the window!!! Hurry up and escape you big son of a-"

Both Eddy and Edd winced as a truck horn roared in the parking lot. "Gah!!" Eddy scoffed, "Son of a-"

The truck horn flared once again, this time causing Eddy to fall, flinging Ed into the door. "My door!!!" Edd cried as he witnessed a large Ed print where part of the door had once been.

Eddy rubbed his head as he slowly staggered up. "Relax sockhead, it's only a door. I'll have Ed fix it when we get back!!"

Edd formed an irate fist as he held onto the wall for support. "_Only_!!" He barked, "You've no idea how much that-"

The truck horn roared one last time, causing Eddy and Edd to collide in mid-air and fall out the room; causing an even bigger hole in Edd's door.

---

The trio slowly ambled down the hallway, as Eddy glanced around; attempting to find Nazz's room. "Okay," He spoke as he placed a finger under his chin, "I know I should remember where Nazz's room is - I was there last week."

Ed gave a vacant stare at the boy. "For what?" He pondered aloud.

Edd slowly paced down the hall, placing a hand on the wall. He heaved a sigh as he glowered at Ed. "Let it go Ed," He said as the boy turned around, "lest we uncover yet another of Eddy's locked up secrets."

Eddy peered over his shoulder to briefly glance at the two before turning his head back. "Well, excuse me!!" Eddy mocked as he folded his arms, "Excuse me, for telling my adventurous - not to mention, incredibly awesome stories of incredibly awesome things I did!!"

Edd puffed his cheeks as he slowly exhaled. "Look, Nazz's room is one up on the right. Can we please just shutup for now, and go there to retrieve the job information!?!"

Eddy placed his hands on his hips. "Fine, sounds good to me sockhead." Eddy paused as he slowly paced forward. "Just, don't go gettin your panties in a knot Double D."

Ed dangled his arms behind his back as he began trotting in place. "I'm in my happy place Double D!!" He merrily exclaimed as he took off, trotting around Eddy twice before halting at Nazz's door.

"Oh joy, this is going to be such a riveting day..." Edd sarcastically muttered as he slowly dragged his feet forward.

Eddy let out a slight smirk. "You don't have to act all special, panty boy!!" He chortled as he pressed his back against the wall. "Ed, remind me to open a can of whup-ass on him later for acting special."

"Got it Eddy!!" Ed exclaimed as he gave a salute.

Eddy folded his arms. "You'd better," He began gravely, "otherwise you can just jump in the same hole with Double D here!!" Ed's smirk quickly dropped into a frown.

Edd reached for the door as he approached the two. "Let's hurry up and get this over with - it's been an aggravating day so far, and Ed's idiotic blunders are giving me an ulcer!!"

Eddy raised an eyebrow. "Wait, doesn't he do that everyday?"

"Yes, but it's been bothering me even more today for some reason..." Edd sighed as he opened the door.

Ed continued to frown. "You guys are talking about me again..." He whimpered as he pointed a shaky finger at the two.

"Shutup and get in the room lumpy!!" Eddy spat as he shoved Ed into the doorway.

---

Eddy tapped his fingers on a nearby desk. "So Nazz, what's so emberrassing that you had to make us walk over here to hear?" Eddy stopped tapping on the desk, as he hopped up on it; swinging his dangling feet.

Nazz glanced up from a magazine she was reading, witnessing Eddy on her desk. "None of that charade business Eddy," She chuckled, "You and I both know we went through enough last week."

Edd frowned. "As much as it is _dreadfully _in distaste to interrupt the re-telling of your love affairs, can we please stay on the same page here?" Edd let out a fake cough after reading their bewildered gazes. "The task Nazz asked of us, I mean."

Ed trudged towards Edd, placing a hand on his head. "Double D is right, I don't want to miss the 'Full on Cyclops' marathon!!"

Eddy looked at Nazz as he heaved a sigh. "Yeah, as much fun as it is flirtin' with you Nazz, we'd best be gettin' that job done."

Nazz pushed her chair away. "Okay, I need you dudes to run down to the mall and pick up an order from the jewelry store." She grabbed her purse, which lay on the desk and proceeded to fish through it; pulling out a slip moments later. Nazz walked over to Eddy, who reluctantly recieved the slip. "Just tell 'em the orders under Nazz, and they'll hand you the package.

Ed made an attempt to sprint out the door, but Edd quickly grabbed his jacket. "Don't _even _try it Ed," The boy stated gravely, "If I have to deal with this idiot, then so will you. Besides, she didn't mean for you to literally run to the mall Ed."

Ed blinked. "Oh." Ed plainly stated as he forced a chuckle.

Eddy's eyebrows rose. "Hey?" He questioned, "What's so bad about me!?!"

Edd sighed as he glanced out into the hall. "Nothing," He spat, "Can we just proceed to the parking lot and enter the Mclaren you allegedly bought!?!"

Eddy huffed as he jumped off the desk. "Yeah yeah, sockhead," He grumbled as he slowly trudged out the doorway. "I'll uh, talk to you later and all that good stuff Nazz."

Nazz laughed at the sight of Edd carrying Ed out the doorway by his jacket collar. "Those dudes are so funny!!" Nazz chortled to herself as she rose a hand to her mouth.

---

As the trio quickly ambled out into the parking lot, Eddy pointed a finger to Kevin's - I mean his Mclaren, and quickly spat, "You morons know the drill by now: get in, shut the door, buckle up - if you feel like it, and shut the fu-"

Ed clasped his hands as he giddily hopped up and down. "Yeah yeah, we know that Eddy!!" He exclaimed as Edd and Eddy watched him bounce up and down, "This is gunna be awesome; I hear the Mclaren is like one of the fastest cars!!"

Edd slightly tilted his head as he narrowed his eyes. "Lord knows it'd be a blessing if we get there in ten pieces..." Edd muttered as the trio paced towards the Mclaren.

Eddy walked around the car, smirking as he eyed its new red paint job. The boy headed to the back and slowly nodded his head as he read aloud the new liscense plate, "NDFSPD".

Edd perked up as he entered the car. "Well, I must admit, this car is considerably easier for me to get accustomed to." He said as he ran a hand on the dashboard.

"I know right!!" Ed giddily shouted as he sprawled on the back seat, "I may have lost Mr. Fluffy, but this new Mr. Backseat is much roomier!!"

Eddy paced back around to the driver's side, spinning the key ring on his finger. "Ed, quit naming stuff and putting Mr. in front of it!!" Eddy irately spat as he hastily jammed the keys in the ignition. Eddy sported a devilish grin as he turned the keys, and then proceeded to shift the gear to the _drive_ position. "Alright boys!!" Eddy shouted in a maniacal tone, "Time to see if this thing handles better'n my ex!!"

Ed rose a giddy fist. "Go for it Eddy!!! Go. go, go!!!"

Edd immediately spun to face the two, waving his arms in protest. "No!!" Edd cried, "Don't go for it Eddy!! No, no, no!!" He began to whimper halfway through his sentence as Eddy revved the engine. "NOOOOOOO!!!" Edd wailed as Eddy gunned it, rocketing out of the parking lot.

An older man, dressed in a suit walked into the parking lot moments later. "Those crackheaded Eds," He said gravely as he unlocked his Dodge Charger, "for some reason, wherever they're going, I sense an arson coming on..." The man slowly entered his Charger, tossing a briefcase into the passenger seat. He promptly started up the car, exiting the parking lot at a fair speed.

_(A/N: Hmmm, could this be a forehshadowing? Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!)_

---

Eddy quickly merged over into the somewhat empty fast lane, and then immediately gunned the engine. "Oh yeah!!" Eddy exclaimed, "This thing is awesome!!!"

Edd sank back into his seat, tightly grasping the armrests. "Eddy!!" He cried, "could you slow it down a lot!?!"

"No!!" Ed shouted as he rose a shaky fist in the air, "I've never had this much fun since I bet on those glaidator mouse fights!!!"

Eddy swiveled his head to the side to face Edd, narrowly avoiding a barracade as he began to talk to the boy. "Quit bellyaching you wuss!!" He yelled as he swerved into the wrong lane, barely avoiding a collision with a semi-truck.

"Eddy!!" Edd whined as he started to hyperventalate, "Stop this madness now!!!"

Eddy sighed, "Sorry Ed, but for our alleged safety, we have to cancel 'Crackhead Driving Tuesday' - mainly because a frilly panty wearing pansy wouldn't shut the fu-"

Ed frowned as he exhaled an audible breath. "Man, way to ruin all the fun Double D!!"

Double D folded his arms as he glowered at the two. "Someday, you both will thank me for saving your lives - that is if you two should become smarter."

Eddy tensed his shoulders as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Whatever Lord Pansy, I was getting tired of that anyway." He spat, narrowing his eyes.

Ed began to whimper. "For real Eddy?" Ed asked as his eyes became waterlogged.

Eddy adjusted the mirror to glance back at Ed. "Yeah..." He sighed as his voice began to trail off.

---

Eddy's new Mclaren swerved into the mall parking lot, taking up two parking spaces. "Oh yeah!!" Eddy exclaimed as he clenched a fist, "It takes extremely mad skills that you've been born with to do that!!"

"Oh joy," Edd said, "And you only had to run over five people to do so."

Ed frowned. "Are they gunna be alright?" He pondered aloud.

Eddy glanced down as he grasped the steering wheel. "No." Eddy stated gravely. He reached into his pocket, pulling out the slip which he promptly handed to Edd.

Edd nodded as he reluctantly took the slip. "Well, we'd best get that package, come along fellows." Edd spoke as he got out the car.

"Oh boy!!" Ed exclaimed as he rushed out the car, "The mall is awesome!!"

Edd looked back, witnessing Eddy lean back in his chair. "Aren't you coming?" Edd questioned as he opened the door.

Eddy closed his eyes as he motioned for Edd to go on. "I'm going to stay here, I'd just slow you idiots down." He muttered as he began to doze off.

Edd sighed as he shut the door. "If you say so." Edd said as he began to pace off towards the store.

Ed trotted up to the boy. "Isn't Eddy coming?" He questioned as he ran next to Edd.

Edd glanced at Ed. "Thankfully, no. Now we'd best be off Ed." Ed frowned as the two made their way into the mall.

---

"Ed, stop messing around before you break something!!" Edd annoyingly spat as he witnessed Ed haphazardly touching things.

Ed pressed his face against a glass case where jewelry was contained. He exhaled on the glass before glancing up at Edd. "Oh come on, " Ed whined, "I was just having fun Double D!!"

Edd folded his arms. "I'm next in line Ed, so be patient for a few more moments!!" Edd huffed as he walked up in the line.

Edd handed the slip to a person behind a counter after he trudged over. "Hello, I'm here to pick up an order for Nazz."

The clerk reluctantly accepted the slip. "I'll be back momentarily with your package, sir." She said as she disappeared into the back.

Edd placed a hand on his hip as he began to tap his foot. His eyes widened as he heared many screams and outbursts from people in the store. Edd's heart began to race as an ember was flung over his shoulder, and shards of broken glass nearly collided with his head. The clerk appeared from the back moments later, but yelled in horror as she witnessed the figure behind Edd. She tossed the package on the counter before disappearing into the back once more.

"Eddy!!" Edd heard Ed's voice joyously exclaim.

His brow raised at the sight of Eddy clutching a clump of ten lighters in each hand, sporting a devilish grin as he cackled maniacly. "Eddy!?!" He questioned as he gave a bewildered gaze, "I thought you were back in the car!!"

"I was!!" Eddy's voice boomed as he tossed the lighters in random areas around the store. "But, I got bored and decided to try this stunt I saw on T.V.!!!"

Ed giddily clasped his hands. "Oh, this is so cool Eddy!!!"

Edd's brow quickly narrowed. "No it isn't!!" The boy barked, "It's arson, which is a felony, and the stunt was performed by professional actors you twits!!"

Eddy gave Edd a vacant stare with his seemingly possesed eyes. "So!?!" Eddy sadistically scoffed as he raised his arms in the air, "At least we don't have to pay for that stupid thing!!"

Edd slapped his forehead. "Nazz already paid for it you dunce!!" Edd yelled over the roaring fire, "All we were required to do, was pick up the package!!"

Eddy blinked as he lowered his arms. "Oh." He plainly stated. Eddy folded his arms as he continued. "Well, what the hell!! Nobody told me about that!!"

Edd started to assume a battle stance. "That's it!!" Edd scoffed as he glowered at Eddy, "It's time I finally put you in your place, sinner!!!"

Eddy sported another devilish smirk. "Alright then sockhead," The boy taunted as he waved his hand, "let's see if you can actually throw a punch!!"

Edd shouted a battle cry as he lunged forward, delivering a swift left jab to Eddy's cheek; causing the boy to stagger backwards and spit out some blood. Ed peered back as he noticed people standing idle to witness the confrontation. "Daayuum!!" The group exclaimed simultaneously.

"Y-y-y-y you actually - that punch actually hurt, you son of a pig!!" Eddy's voice boomed as he rubbed his sore cheek.

Edd smirked as he rose his right fist. "There's plenty more where that came from!!" He taunted, his adrenaline rushing rapidly. Edd yelled another battle cry as he charged Eddy; however this time, Eddy quickly side-stepped - proceeding to knee the boy in his gut before sending him flying with a hard leg strike.

Ed hopped up and down in anticipation. "This is so better than the 'Full on Cyclops' marathon!!" The boy exclaimed.

"Had enough, pansy?" Eddy questioned as he rustled a hand through his hair. The boy's question was quickly answered with a yell, as Edd slowly rose from the debris as he began to cough up blood. He wiped some of the remaining blood off his mouth, and proceeded to tackle Eddy. The two began to roll around the store, crashing into walls as they traded punches. Eddy quickly gained momentum as he forced the rolling to a hault, and unloaded an uninterrupted string of punches on Edd before tossing him off. Edd slowly staggered to his feet as Eddy took a moment to recuperate. As Edd leaned on a nearby display case for support, Eddy made an attempt to bumrush him. Edd grabbed an arm Eddy had outstretched, then smashed the boy's head into the glass with his opposite hand. Edd winced as Eddy quickly pried his bloody head out of the case and flung a large glass shard his way. Eddy then rushed over to the boy as they began to lock up.

Eddy formed another devilish smirk. "You're tougher than I gave you credit for, but you're still a pansy!!" He scoffed as he spat in Edd's face.

Edd gave the boy a swift headbutt, and then continued with more headbutt bashes as Eddy grunted in pain. "Well, if I'm such a pansy, how come that actually hurt?" Edd taunted, then proceeding to return the favor with a spit of his own. The boys uttered grunts and curses as they attempted to push each other down, but it was to no avail; as they were evenly matched.

Ed trotted further into the store, hopping over blazing flames, and narrowly ducking under flying embers. He quickly picked up the package from the counter, then immediately shoved the aggrivated two aside. Ed held the package up for both of them to gaze at. "I got the package guys!!" He joyously exclaimed as he tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow.

Eddy balled his hand into an irate fist as he glared at Ed. "That's all fine and good Ed," Eddy spat after coughing up some blood, "but we're not leaving until I give sockhead that can of whup-ass I promised him!!"

Edd held his shoulder as he writhed in pain. "I will put a stop to your cursed sins here and now Eddy!!" The boy shouted as he slowly rose up, forming a fist with his available hand. The two took a moment to recuperate and cough up more blood. Ed frowned as the two locked up seconds later, crimson blood splattering all over them.

---

Kevin sighed as he slowly trudged into his room, immediately hopping onto his couch. The boy grabbed the remote, promptly turning on the television. He began to change the channel, but stopped when he saw the news flash.

"Good evening," A reporter who was being filmed outside the mall said, "I'm John Daily of Channel 17 Peach Creek Action News at Eleven." The man came to an abrupt pause as he tapped a device on his ear. "I've just recieved news that earlier today, a fire broke out at the Jay Kay Jewlers store on the second floor of this mall. Eye witnesses reported that they saw a crazed man with his hands jammed into his pockets walk into the store. It is unkown if he caused the fire, but he remains a suspect as of now. Thankfully, no one was killed or seriously injured in this incident. We shall relay more news to you as this event develops, but as of now this is John Daily signing out - back to you Cynthia."

Kevin turned the television off as he rested his arms behind the couch. "I bet those Eds have something to do with this.." He pondered to himself as he closed his eyes, then heaving a sigh. "But, I wonder, why the hell would Eddy want to burn down a jewelry store?" Kevin shrugged as he slowly rose up from the couch. The boy stretched for a few moments before he leapt onto his bed, immediately beginning to doze off.

_Well, that's chapter 2 of this new story, hope you all like it!! At any rate, please read and review._


	3. Chaotic Day

_Here's chapter three, but I'm seeing this hasn't been getting many reviews. If you guys want more chapters, then you've got to bring in some reviews._

---

Eddy winced as he lay face down on the table, Ed hapharzdly applying band-aids to the boy's wounds. "Stop pressing so hard, Ed!!" He angrily spat as he turned his head to the side, "You're killing me here.." Eddy sighed as he dangled an arm on the side.

Edd lazily folded his arms. "If you ask me, you got what was coming to you." Edd smugly stated as he shut his eyes.

"Shutup, smart ass!!" Eddy sneered as he glowered at Edd, "No one asked you about that!!"

"Yeah Double D," Ed spoke as he smoothed a large band-aid on the boy's back, "Eddy said to 'Shut the hell up and never bring this up again!!'"

Eddy's mouth quickly widened into a devilish grin. "See, check Ed out!!" He shouted as he motioned a thumb towards Ed. "At least one moron here knows the drill!!"

Ed placed a hand on the band-aid, forming a half-salute with the opposite. "Righto, Jim Bob!!" Ed merrily exclaimed, sporting a goofy expression. Edd sighed as he ran a hand across his forehead.

"Check's in the mail Ed." Eddy plainly stated, forming a mock gun with his fingers and pointing it at Ed.

Edd placed his hands on his hips. "I've no idea why I actually agreed to provide you with my services for this backwater company..." He sighed as his glance shifted towards the floor. Edd stopped momentarily as he began to have a hacking fit. "So far, all we've made is fifty-five dollars - which will undoubtedly be placed towards the rebuilding of that jewelry store."

Eddy blinked. "You think we could've bargained more from Nazz?" Eddy pondered aloud as he vacantly glanced at the wall.

"I would believe not Eddy," Edd sighed as he propped himself on a nearby counter, "Nazz was pretty miffed when she found out it was _you_ who burned her favorite jewelry store."

Eddy narrowed his eyes. "Once again, smart ass, I wasn't talking to you!!" Eddy briefly paused as he cleared his throat. "And don't even think about giving me that 'Just throwing my thoughts out there is all' crap, otherwise you can introduce your wrist to that new razor blade I bought!!"

Ed giddily placed his hands on his cheeks. "That bargain was _way_ in your favor Eddy!!" He began to hop on one foot as he continued. "You got to teach me how to steal like that!!"

"_Stole!?!_" Edd gasped as his eyes widened, "Ed, you mean to tell me that Eddy stole that razor blade!?!"

Eddy shut his eyes as he heaved a sigh. "_Stole_ is such a harsh word sockhead." Eddy said as his brow drooped. "It's more like..._borrowed_."

"Defacing someone's property, two counts of theft, _and _arson Eddy?" Edd spoke as he counted his fingers. "One would certainly ponder why the authorities haven't once come after you."

Eddy dangled his opposite arm on the other end of the table. "One would wonder how your cousin got AIDS." The boy spat with little enthusiasm.

Ed pointed a finger at Edd, who immediately grew silent. "Oooh, burn!! Score one for Eddy!!" Ed joyously shouted as Edd frowned.

"No Ed, don't _even_ go there." Edd said as he waved his arms in protest, "lest we begin the-"

Eddy hastily interrupted. "Lest you start the 'Totally annihalate sockhead's ass contest', but alas - it begins." He said smugly as he gave Edd a devilish smirk.

"I'm puttin ten on Eddy!!" Ed shouted as he fished into his pocket, retrieving a ten dollar bill.

Eddy frowned. "Aint you gunna put more on me lumpy?" Eddy questioned. "I mean, all three of us know who the winner of this thing is."

"Yet the two of you still insist on holding these retarded contests." Edd muttered, folding his arms.

Ed rose a giddy fist. "That's because it's so much fun Double D!!" He shouted with joy.

Edd glared at Ed. "For the two of you, that is."

"Could you shut the hell up for a couple minutes sockhead!?!" Eddy scoffed as he balled his hand into a fist, "I've had it up to here with you today - and as you can see, that's way over my daily withstanding limit!!" The boy motioned a hand over his head, visually showing the two how annoyed he was.

Ed sighed, shoving the ten back in his pocket. "Man, this sucks ass.." He paused as Eddy and Edd shot him baffled gazes. "Yes, you heard right, I actually said 'Man, this sucks ass'."

'I'm rubbing off on you, are I Ed?" Eddy grinned as he gave a thumbs-up. "Dude, that's a real big sense of accomplishment for me!!"

Ed perked up. "I'm rubbing off on Eddy!! So, does that make me awesome?" Ed questioned as he glanced towards Eddy, finger placed under his chin.

"Not quite Ed," Eddy stated, "it makes you awesomer than you were a few minutes ago, but you've got a _long_ way before you even come close to standing beside me."

Edd glanced up at the ceiling. "Why is it that I am the _only_ sane person in this place?" He pondered aloud.

Eddy rose an eyebrow. "You've seemed to have forgotten that this place is a nuthouse, sockhead." Eddy dully spoke as he studied his fingernails.

"Yeah, I mean I'm dumb like the whole time - but even _I_ realised that Double D!!" Ed exclaimed in a dumb tone as he trudged over to a mini fridge, pulling out a Coke before promptly shutting the fridge.

Eddy frowned. "I can't belive that my fifty-five dollars will actually have to go towards rebuilding that fricken place.." He whimpered, abruptly changing the conversation topic.

Edd shut his eyes as he heaved a sigh. "Although they don't know that it was _you_ who caused the fire, it's only fair that you help pay for the damages."

"Yeah, but everyone who saw it was me is afraid to snitch because they're afraid of getting killed!!" Eddy exclaimed with a sense of relief, "That's another accomplishment I've awesomely completed!!"

Edd shook his head. "That is nothing to feel a sense of accomplishment about." The boy plainly stated as he glowered at Eddy. "Those people are constantly thinking that if they speak up, they'll be killed!!"

Ed perked up as he abruptly stopped guzzling down his Coke. "So, is that why Eddy's been getting a whole bunch of 'I won't snitch, so please don't kill me!!' letters lately?" He questioned as his gaze shifted over to the two.

"I think so Ed, I think so." Eddy said as he slowly moved, so as to sit on the edge of the table.

Ed gave a thumbs-up. "I don't really get what's goin on, but you've reached another level of awesome in my book!!!...which, I don't have at the moment."

"Ed, I fear your poor misguided soul has already gone too far on Eddy's one-way road to hell." Edd sighed as he walked over to the boy, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder.

Eddy shot Edd a death glare. "Oh?" He questioned, "So it's _my_ fault Ed's going to burn down there with me?"

Edd momentarily paused. "No, but what I-"

"No no, say no more panty hat." Eddy plainly said as he interrupted the boy, "You're just jealous that I was born with such awesomeness - you clearly envy me because you'll never be as good as me." Eddy folded his arms and held his head up in a cocky manner.

"That was _way_ off from what I'd intended to say, but we all know you can't help but express yourself in such a manner." Edd winced as he placed a hand over his eyes in distaste.

Eddy blinked. "I have no idea what the frick you just said, so I'll just say screw your ass." He glowered at Edd before continuing. "Ed, join me in glaring at the pansy, or you're fired!!" Eddy yelled as he turned towards Ed, who made several stuttering motions before giving a half-salute, and turning towards Edd; eyes narrowed.

"Sorry Double D," Ed apologized, "but I don't want to be out of a job."

Edd smacked his forehead. "Oh, for the love of - Ed, you already have a-"

"Don't apologize to that tramp you jackass!!!" Eddy spat as his gaze shifted towards Ed, who frowned as his head bent over. "If I wasn't so lazy - well, banged up is more like it, but that's not the point..." He let out a sigh of frustration before finishing his sentence. "Look, both of you shut the hell up, so I don't have to open up a can of whup-ass on the two of you morons!!!"

Edd haphazardly folded his arms. "I can't wait til that one day comes, where someone or something will beat you to a bloody pulp."

Eddy's eyes widened at Edd's remark. He flipped up his middle finger up at the boy, who shot him an irate glare in response. "Suck my-"

"Well, that's a first - I'd never imagined you would stoop _that_ low Eddy." Edd chuckled as Eddy merely balled his fists in anger.

Ed heaved a large sigh. "For everyone's sake, I think we're all on the same page here when I say 'Man, I hope someone calls soon!!'" He spoke as his arms crossed in a seemingly intelligent manner.

Eddy and Edd only returned Ed's statement with bewildered gazes. "Yeah, I guess your right lumpy." Eddy said as he paced over towards the desk. "I was getting tired of dealing with this panty wearing freak right about now."

Edd quickly glanced away. "Unfortunately Ed, I'm guessing I'll have to repay you somehow for convincing Eddy like that." He sighed as his gaze set upon the wall.

"Don't place any bets that'll happen again in the future." Ed gravely spoke as his head was sadly hung down.

"You two insulting me over there?" Eddy questioned without shifting his gaze up from his fingernails.

Edd peered over towards Ed, who gave a hearty smile before momentarily glancing at Eddy. "No." The boy quickly huffed.

Eddy continued to gaze at his nails. "Good." He spoke in a plain manner. "I was getting real fricking tired of keeping track of how much money I need to take out of your fricken paychecks."

"But we don't get paid!!" Ed suddenly outcried in a saddened tone.

Edd sighed. "One would hope you'd have noticed that sooner Ed, but then again we forget the fact of your...disability, so to say, time and time again."

Eddy glowered at the two, arms loosely crossed. "Let me dumb what sockhead's saying down to your level burr-head." Eddy cleared his throat, so as to make his next sentence seem important. "I mean, what's up with all that fancy, _sophisticated_ extra long sentence crap you pansies talk about - all you had to say was 'Ed, you're a retarded piece of-"

"Yes, whatever you say, _Lord_ Eddy." Edd interrupted as he spat in a mocking tone, "Thank you for reminding me yet again, that I'm surrounded by idiots."

"_Idiot_." Eddy quickly spat back in a correcting tone.

Edd huffed. "Oh how careless of me to bypass the fact that Ed is the _only_ idiot in here!!"

"Damn straight sock-head." Eddy plainly stated as he folded his arms.

Ed placed a fist in an open hand as he perked up with an idea. "I've got it!!" He exclaimed, drawing both Edd and Eddy's attention. "Since no one's called us, how about we call them!!"

Eddy gave the boy a vacant stare. "That's the most retarted, dumb piece of-"

"Not the brightest idea Ed, we're the company - which means people call us." Edd abruptly interrupted.

Eddy positioned his hand so as to throw a punch at Edd, but immedieately reeled his fist back as the ringing of the phone filled the room. "Forget it," He said as he leapt towards the phone, "I was going to do you a favor by smacking that enormous thing you call a brain out of your head, but we've got business to attend to." Eddy huffed as he spoke into the phone. "Yeah, you've reached The fricken 3 fricken Eds, where we fricken do whatever the frick you need us to. Tell me whatever the frick you need, otherwise I'll make sure that you're frickin tossed off a building!"

"Whatever big mouth," The caller irately spat, "I don't got time to listen to your anger issues, so just get to Jimmy's room now!" Eddy winced as he hastily pulled the phone away from his ear, causing the voice to become audible throughout the room.

"Fricken shutup you fricken brat!!!" Eddy scoffed as the phone was tossed back onto its base, "God, I hate that fricken sk-"

"Who was that?" Ed suddenly pondered aloud as he scratched his chin with a finger.

Eddy glared at Ed. "When will they Ed, when will they?" He scoffed as his teeth clenched.

"When will they Ed what?" Ed questioned, sporting a curious expression.

Eddy slapped his forehead. "When will they slow the fricken taxi down so you can fricken catch it?"

"Ed, judging from Eddy's response from the call, one would assume it was Sarah." Edd sighed.

Ed only blinked. "Oh." He responded, forcing a nervous smile.

Eddy huffed as he pointed towards the door. "God..." He paced towards the door, slamming it open. "Let's just go already - I'm tired of dealing with the retard!"

"Right behind you chief!" Ed giddily skipped out of the doorway and followed Eddy down the hall.

Edd slowly trudged after the two, shutting the door behind him. "Why must I be cursed with this life?" The boy pondered aloud.

---

"Look runt, let me make this clear: I don't like you, you don't like me. Hurry up and give me the fricken job so we can fricken leave this trash heap you call a room." Eddy sneered as he glowered at Sarah and Jimmy.

Sarah sighed. "Yeah whatever, mister I burned down a jewelry store." She spat back as Jimmy sported a teasing face.

Eddy's eyes widened at Sarah's remark. "I'd ask you how you knew that, but I can't bare another second in this hell-hole!" Eddy yelled, turning his back to the two.

"We need you to drive down to Olive Garden and pick up our carry out order." Jimmy said as he dug into his pocket, retrieving a slip moments later. Eddy turned around as Jimmy handed him the slip. "Tell them the order's under Sarah, and they'll give it to you; we'll give you the money, so don't burn the building down."

"I'll try my best not to, but I can't promise that." Eddy said as he reluctantly accepted the slip, and trudged out the door.

Sarah tossed a roll of cash at Eddy which smacked him in the head. "Just make sure you get our order fathead!!"

Eddy sneered at Sarah as he picked up the money. "Yeah, whatever brat." He scoffed as he rubbed the back of his head.

Ed perked up as he witnessed Eddy emerge from the doorway. "How'd it go Eddy?" He asked, but frowned as Eddy trudged towards the elevator, ignoring his question.

"Shall we get going Ed?" Edd motioned towards the elevator down the hall as he glanced back at Ed.

Ed slowly dragged his feet across the carpet as he followed Edd. "Yeah, sure thing Double D." The boy whined as he uttered a whimper.

---

"Man, what the frick is taking so long!?!" Eddy's grip tightened on the steering wheel of his Mclaren as he glowered at the red traffic light.

Edd shot Eddy a bewildered gaze. "We've only been at this traffic light for ten seconds, just calm down for a minute." He said as he glanced back at the road ahead.

"Cool, the light's almost green - gun it Eddy!!" Ed exclaimed as he rose a giddy fist.

"No, not again - the last sprint nearly gave me a heart attack!!" Edd yelled in protest.

Eddy blinked at Edd. "Don't be such a pansy, live a little will ya?" Eddy repeatedly revved the engine in anticipation of the light change.

"You wouldn't dare gun that gas pedal, would you?" Edd questioned, sinking into his seat.

Edd felt his heart skip a beat as the light suddenly changed to green. "It's green Eddy, gun it, gun it!!!" Ed violently shook his fist as he began to yell with glee.

"Shutup Ed!!" Eddy scoffed as he forcefully stomped on the gas pedal, "Let's hurry up and get this done - the night club opens up in about two hours!!"

"Whoooo!! We're goin like eighty miles per hour!!" Ed shouted with glee.

"Noooo!!!" Edd wailed as his right arm flailed around outside the window.

Ed sported an exuberant smile as the fast winds caused his gums to flap around. "Oh yeah, this is awesome!!!" He exclaimed as he was forcefully bounced to and fro in the back of the car.

Eddy began to cackle maniacally. "Who's the retard that said you can't run from the long claw of the law!?!" The boy questioned as his face morphed into a devilish expression.

---

"Don't you assume we're going too fast!?!" Edd yelled over the loud noise of the wind.

Eddy took his eyes off the road momentarily to give Edd a baffled expression. "What!?!" He shouted as the Mclaren drove over a dog.

Ed blinked. "Is it me, or did we just run over something!?!"

"You've no idea that you just ran over a defensless stray dog moments ago!!!" Edd glowered at Eddy who merely gave him a blank expression.

"Who cares!?! That thing was going to end up roadkill somehow sooner or later!!" Eddy spat back defensively.

Edd ran a hand across his forehead. "You do realize that all of this is only earning you a first class ticket to hell, don't you!?!" Edd heaved a sigh as Eddy only blinked in response.

The Mclaren crashed into a wooden fence, then kept colliding with the fence posts; sending them flying to and fro. "Does my face look like a give a fricking crap!?!" Eddy scoffed, his expression showing that of anger.

Edd glanced away. "No." He sighed.

The Mclaren crashed into another fence, this time swerving into a backyard and running over a table set before swerving back into the streets. The car sped by a house where kids were playing basketball in the driveway, but their ball had rolled into the street. The group of kids attempted to retrieve the ball, but unfortunately it was ran over by the Mclaren; much to their dismay.

Growing tired of Eddy's destruction rampage, Edd made several attempts to grab control of the steering wheel. Eddy backhanded all of Edd's attempted grabs, however, it was at the cost of running over a group of stray cats that had ventured out too far into the street. Edd then delivered a forceful backhanded smack to Eddy's cheek, which caused him to nearly crash into some kids who were proceeding to cross the street. Eddy retaliated by punching his colleague sqaure in the face as he[Edd made yet another attempt to take control of the steering wheel. Eddy reeled his arm back for another punch, but before it was about to make contact with Edd, it was smacked back around dead center in his face.

"Ed you dolt, why the hell did you kick my hand!?!" Eddy frustratingly questioned as he continued to be unable to maintain his grip on the steering wheel.

Ed's cheeks turned a bright red as he forced a nervous chuckle. "Whoops, I thought you were Double D Eddy." The dumber Ed plainly stated.

"Do that again, and tomorrow morning, don't go thinking a boot ain't shoved up your-" Eddy was interrupted by Edd's battle cry as the boy reached over and obtained a grip on the steering wheel. A frustrated Eddy made several botched attempts at trying to remove Edd's hands from the steering wheel, but Edd was able to hastily swerve the car left under an oncoming semi-truck on the opposite side.

Ed's eyes beamed in excitement. "Wow! This is just like in those spy movies!...I love spies!" He clapped his hands in a giddy manner while stomping the floor in excitement. The adrenaline rush from Edd's stunt was soon quelled, as the Mclaren drove up a make shift ramp that was set up in a backyard it drove into. Eddy and Edd wailed in shock as they hugged each other in fear. Ed made various outcries of glee as he bobbed around in the backseat.

Eddy took a large gulp as he broke away from Edd. "Okay, right now I take back _everything _I said about you two, and I'm really, really, _really _sorry for all the stuff I did! The sexual harrassment, the lies, the arsons, the assaults, the thefts, _everything_!!!"

"_Everything!?!_" Edd gasped. "But, then again you are trying to kiss up so you won't have to burn forever, aren't you?"

Eddy sported a grave expression as he began to whine. "None of that matters now! Because of you two morons this is going to be the _second_ time I have to burn - only it's forever, but that don't make it better!!"

Edd rose an eyebrow. "How is it that Ed and I are incorporated into the fact you're going to burn?" He rubbed his hat as he continued. "I hate to ask, but how did you get burned the first time?"

"It's a long story that I'm not really in the mood for re-telling - I mean, we're going to die in a matter of seconds!!" Eddy began to chew his nails out of nervousness.

It was merely moments later before the Mclaren touched ground; miraculously, on its wheels. Eddy and Edd began to hyperventalate, while Ed made various comments on how awesome the stunt was. Eddy let out a huge sigh before proceeding to regain his grasp on the steering wheel. Edd sank down into his seat while Eddy revved up the engine a second time before gunning the gas moments later.

"Well, that was one of the crappiest stunts you've pulled yet Double D." Eddy said as he maintained his focus on the road.

Edd heaved a large sigh. "I suppose since we aren't dead, you're taking back what you said earlier." He turned his head towards the window, but quickly spun it around as the wind sharply smacked his face in rapid succession.

"Like I said, you're smarter than I give you credit for." Eddy chuckled to himself as he ran a red light.

Ed clapped his hands in rapid succession. "That was so cool! Can we do it again?"

Eddy and Edd glanced at each other, before gazing at Ed in the mirror. "No!!" They yelled in unison.

---

"Eddy, Ed, stop staring uncontrollably at areas women detest men they don't know, to look at." Edd spoke as he dragged the two away by their hair.

"Quit it sockhead!" Eddy writhed in pain, "You're starting to sound like my mom!"

"Yeah, mine too!" Ed yelled in pain, agreeing with Eddy's statement.

Edd continued to pull Eddy and Ed behind him until he reached the carry-out counter, at which point he abruptly let them go. He rang the bell once, then waited for the clerk to come out. However, Eddy and Ed grew tired of waiting and began to rapidly press the bell.

"Yeah, what the frick do you crap-heads want!?!" The clerk spat at the trio in an irate tone. "There's two minutes left 'til Happy Hour starts down over at Champs', so make it quick!"

Edd nervously reached into his pocket and pulled out the order slip, along with the money. He cautiously handed over to the clerk, who hastily snatched it out of his hand.

The clerk sighed as he read the order slip aloud. "Those brats ordered something again!?! That's the third time this week!"

Edd took a gulp and thought a moment before speaking. "So, umm, would you be so kind as to retrieve it?" He asked, stuttering throughout the sentence.

"Yeah, whatever - It'd be my pleasure to get that for you buddy." The clerk said with little entusiasm as he went to fetch the order.

"Are we done here?" Eddy questioned as he pressed Ed's head against a nearby fish tank.

"Almost, the clerk should be returning with the order momentarily." Edd tapped the counter as he glanced around the restaraunt.

Eddy huffed in annoyance. "He'd better hurry up, I forgot Happy Hour started twelve minutes ago down at the lounge!"

"Ooooh," Ed spoke with increasing interest, "the fishies are all so colorful!"

The clerk returned with the order minutes later, shoving it in Edd's face. "Here's the order, now scram you punks!"

Edd took hold of the bag as he turned around. "Thanks anyways, and good day to you sir." Edd said as he motioned for Eddy and Ed to follow him.

"Even if they're TV stars, they're still just a bunch of punks." The clerk muttered to himself as he set up a sign that read 'Back Whenever' before leaving the counter.

---

The Mclaren drifted into the parking lot, smashing into a wooden wagon before swerving into a parking space. The trio of Eds made their way out of the car as they witnessed Rolf pace out of the main doors, grieving over the sight of a junk heap that was once his wagon, moments later.

"Ed-boys!" Rolf angrily spat as he pointed a menacing finger at them. "What nerve have you to, how you say, total Rolf's transportation doohickey!"

Eddy hastily made his way past the irate Rolf, running through the automatic doors. "Not now Rolf, I'm missing Happy Hour!" His voice trailed as he made his way into the grand hall.

Edd sped walked past Rolf, but turned his head towards the foreigner before he made his way inside. "I'm terribly sorry that we can't deal with this issue as of now, as we've a job to complete. However, we shall do what we can after the job's successful completion.

Ed swiveled his head towards Rolf as he slowly trudged into the building. "Hi Rolf!" The boy exclaimed gleefully, waving his hand and sporting a cheerful expression.

"Mark Rolf's words nerve racking Ed-boys, Rolf will, how you say, get revenge for this!!" Rolf yelled as he violently shook an angry fist.

---

Double D handed the bag to Sarah, who reluctantly accepted it. "It was more trouble than I'd assumed to get the food, but nonetheless we've completed the task."

Sarah placed the bag on a nearby table as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Thanks for getting the food, and I'll throw in a five dollar tip for not dragging that fat-headed Eddy, and my retarded brother along." She reached back into her pocket and retrieved a five dollar bill which she proceeded to hand to Edd.

Edd chuckled as he accepted the money. "Well, lucky for you two it was Happy Hour down at the lounge, and Eddy couldn't help but go there. Ed went along with Eddy as well, but only because they were showing that big game."

"Figures," Sarah sighed, "not like I give a crap anyway."

Jimmy trudged over to the bag, then began to fish inside it. "I'm starved Sarah, let's eat!"

"Coming Jimmy!" Sarah exclaimed as she sprinted over towards the table.

Double D made his way out of the open doorway, listening to Sarah and Jimmy's various giggles before shutting the door. "Time to go back to my room and enjoy what time I have to myself, before Ed and Eddy return." Edd sighed as he slowly paced down the hall, entering his room as soon as he reached it.

---

"Whoo hoo!" Eddy shouted as he lifted an empty glass in the air, "Go Ed, go!"

There were various chants of 'Go, go , go!' in rapid sucession as Ed guzzeled down a large gallon bottle of Coke. Ed finished guzzling it down moments later, and everyone in the lounge gave different cheers in unorderly sequence.

Eddy gave Ed a high-five with his opposite hand after the boy set the gallon bottle down. "We're gunna be in the record books big guy!" Eddy pointed to a phone on a nearby wall as he continued. "Somebody call Guiness or something while me an Ed are out, we gotta use the can. But, when we get back, drinks are on me!"

There were many cheers throughout the lounge as Eddy and Ed proceeded to open the door to leave, but it was immediately slammed open by a still enraged Rolf. "Rolf warned you Ed-boys, now you shall pay for your, how you say, stunt!" Rolf slowly trudged over to the two as an eerie silence fell upon the lounge.

"How much Rolfy boy?" Ed asked as he fished in his pocket, "I know I got twelve dollars somewhere!"

Eddy tugged on Ed's collar and pulled the boy towards his face. "You idiot!" Eddy spat, "Rolf don't mean that kinda pay, he means he's going to tear us to shreads!"

Ed blinked. "Cool!!" He exclaimed as his eyes widened.

"Any last words fool hearty Ed-boys!?!" Rolf's voice boomed as he glowered at the two, hands balled into irate fists.

Eddy shoved Ed away as sweat began to pour down his face. "Heya stretch, how's about we talk this over - y'know, get yourself a drink and we'll talk this out." Eddy nervously stuttered while Ed gazed at the two, sporting a dazed expression.

Rolf sported a devilish grin as he repeatedly smacked his fist into his open hand. "Oh, rest assured three haired Ed-boy, Rolf shall, how you say, get himself a drink; but not of your kind, as Rolf wishes to drink your blood! Prepare yourself Ed-boys!"

Eddy grabbed Ed and shoved the oblivious boy infront of himself, proceeding to cower in fear. "Mommy!!!" He whimpered as he prepared for the worst.

_Well, that's chapter 3, so read but more importantly review if you want to see more. Else, I'll stop updating..._


	4. Randomness & Wacky Cartoon Antics

_Well, here's chapter 4 - been too long hasn't it? Also, I am introducing new standards for my stories - three reviews must be submitted for each chapter for new chapters to be submitted, so you obviously know what that means: no reviews means no new chapters!_

Edd frowned, turning towards the now kicked down door. "There's a knob, Ed." He heard Eddy's voice spat unenthusiastically.

"Really?" Ed asked, trudging into the room. "I didn't stop to notice it. Course, it won't happen next time chief!"

Eddy rolled his eyes. "Sure you will Ed, sure you will."

"How many times will it take for you to realize my door isn't a punching bag of some sort!" Edd complained, folding his arms.

Ed vacantly gazed at the boy, while Eddy merely paced over to his desk. "Shutup sockhead!" Eddy slammed his fist on a nearby wall as he continued. "I'm pissed off right now, so not a word from either of you!"

An awkward silence soon followed, but it was soon broken up by Eddy's audible mumbling noises.

"What the hell are you two standing around like retarted ten year olds! Say something will ya!?!" Edd and Ed stepped back, having witnessed a vein pop in the boy's forehead, and taking note of his anger mood swings.

Edd cleared his throat before deciding to speak up. "Judging from your temper and ragged appearance, I would assume Rolf struck vengeance on both you and Ed - well more so you, but you dragged Ed in to use as a meatshield."

"Don't remind me of that Double D!" Eddy barked, recalling the event. "I swear those foreigners are fricking possessed - Rolf threw Ed right through a brick wall!"

Ed blinked. "That was a brick wall? I didn't really notice."

Eddy forcefully slammed a fist down on the chair, yelling loudly in pain moments later. "I don't give a crap!" He yelled, clutching his now sore hand. "What matters is, this is all sockhead's fault, so he's paying for _all_ of the medical stuff we're buying at that new store!"

"Parden my intrusion on your rant, but wouldn't it make more sense to go to a hospital to get treatment?" Edd said, raising an eyebrow.

Eddy lowered his eyebrows. "Like hell I am! You know how it is - they stick you in a room with one of those creepy old guys in a wheelchair, who has nothing better to do than tell you about the same part of his life story over and over! And, the food sucks ass!"

"And you know this because...?" Edd questioned, eyebrow still risen.

"That's confidential information sockhead." Eddy said, quickly spinning around. "I could tell you about it, but of course, I'd have to kill you!"

Edd folded his arms. "Right, sure you will." He said.

"Oh no, I never kid. In fact, Ed, go fetch me my pike!" Eddy began to rub his hands together in anticipation.

"Sorry chief, but there are no more pikes on the premesis - you wasted them all on that one Kevin fan that said you sucked." Ed stated informatively.

Eddy frowned, turning towards Ed. "That was a bust, I didn't even kill that bastard!"

"Why, was that attempted manslaughter Eddy?" Edd asked, perking up. "For shame."

"Silence pansy, I don't need your pity." Eddy spat, glancing away.

Edd merely chuckled at Eddy's remark. "Who said I pitited you? You're too much of an incompetent, egotistical imbecile to earn such pity."

Ed blinked. "Wow, so many big words." He said interestedly. The tall Ed glanced at Eddy and Edd who gave him baffled stares. "What? Oh, just because I'm the dumb one, it gives you every right to criticize my sentences!?!"

Eddy sighed. "Look lumpy, we're all pissed and ready to open buttloads of whup-ass on each other right now. Just shutup and calm down like I said earlier!"

Edd huffed. "And yet you told us to talk moments later." He mumbled.

"I said shutup!!" Eddy yelled, glowering at Edd.

Another awkward silence soon followed, and it was broken up by Eddy yet again.

"You know what, I say screw the idiot who said for us to keep quiet!"

Edd smacked his forehead. "Eddy, _you're_ the idiot."

Ed raised his arms in the air and let out a cheer. "Awesome! I'm not the dumb one anymore!"

"No lumpy, you're still the group dumbass, and if princess smartaleck over there doesn't shutup, he'll be the group deadguy!" Eddy hissed, picking up a lamp and angrily tossing it across the room.

"As you say, your airheadedness." Edd sneered in response.

Eddy quickly glanced around for an object to use as a projectile to throw at Edd, but abruptly stopped as a voice boomed on the building wide P.A.

"Attention all stars of the show, this is the boss - who you all know as 'The Bigman', telling you that Ed, Edd, n Eddy will now be aired on Adult Swim. I know this may come as a shock to you all, but it is necessary if we are to keep up with today's hip youngsters my homedawgs; if you know what I mean..."

The Eds rose an eyebrow as the voice let out a hearty chortle. From what they could tell, the rest of the building remained silent.

"...Man, what is this, an empty audience on the film set of 'Pootie Tang'? Anyway, our ratings will skyrocket from this move, and you all will be able to express yourselves more often. Well, that be it my peoples, so word up and peace out!"

The building remained silent after the voice went off the air. All three of the Eds remained idle for a few minutes, but rushed to peer out the opened doorway after hearing what sounded like a gunshot.

"I told you Sarah was with 9-11 Plank, why'd you think she wasn't here for filming that day!!" Good ol' bigheaded Jonny 2x4 sprinted down the hallway, narrowly avoiding the hails of bullets Sarah was firing his way. He slid between the closing elevator doors, but part of his head was caught as it began to move down. The elevator shot down, deflecting various bullets off its surface before crashing down to the first floor and shooting Jonny out.

The Eds slowly turned towards Sarah who jammed the smoking weapon into her pocket. She merely sneered at the trio before turning around and opening her door, then disappearing into her room.

Edd shook his head. "This place seems more and more like a nuthouse everyday." He sighed, glancing at the bullets that were scattered over the hallway floor.

"You think it has to do with the big guy acting black now?" Ed pondered aloud, placing a finger on his chin.

Eddy opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes widened at the sight of Ed's chin. "Well, it was much better when - Wholy crap! Ed since when do you have a chin!?!"

"Hmmm, ever after since you told me to get a chin implant, so I did!" Ed said with a happy expression.

Eddy rose an eyebrow. "Yeah, but that was before you understood sarcasm."

"Oh yeah! It was that one hour, banned episode where us chums set out to-"

Just as the screen did that wavvy thing that signaled a flashback, Edd somehow jumped in the middle and immediately went on a rant. "How many times must I tell you, NO flashbacks in MY room! Why, just the other day-"

"Spare me the drama sockhead, you can nail us later. Now, to Walmart!" Eddy interrupted, raising a finger in the air with sudden zeal.

Ed blinked. "No can do chief, it got condemned or whatever it is after you released those rats in there!"

"Those jerks had it coming - they tried to charge me fifty-cents for some deodorant!"

Edd suddenly pinched his nose. "Is that why you've been putting off on showering?" He questioned.

Eddy sneered at his colleague. "Would you quit it sockhead! We're not at the filmset, so stop imagining green wavy stink lines floating over my head and-"

"That's it Kev, we're through!"

The Eds peered out the doorway once more to witness a half-dressed Nazz storm down the hallway towards her room.

Kevin hopped down the hallway, struggling to get into some jean shorts while keeping up with Nazz. "Wait baby, I promise I can change!"

Nazz placed her hands on her hips. "That's what you said the eighty-fifth time, and I'm still waiting to see that happen!"

Nazz opened the door to her room, ignoring Kevin's various begs and groveling as she shut the door. "Man!" Kevin scoffed. "Okay then, I'll find another chick who's hotter than-"

Nazz's door swung open as a large, rather heavy trunk was tossed out. It smacked Kevin, sending him falling down twenty flights of stairs under it. "And you can take all your crap back!" She spat.

Eddy blinked. "I could've sworn there was only two flights of stairs the last time I checked."

"While that is true, I do recall them swapping those two areas of the building through classic cartoon antics." Edd said.

Ed's eyes beamed. "Coool!" He said interestedly.

The Ed's attempted to turn back into Edd's room, but jumped onto the floor after hearing more gunshots being fired.

"Crap!" Eddy shouted. "It's one of those terrorist attack thingies!!"

Ed began to cry. "I don't wanna die guys!"

Edd glanced at his watch. "Oh dear, Jimmy seems to be watching 'Tom & Jerry' again."

"No foolin? Well now that that's settled, to CVS!" Eddy exclaimed, brushing himself as he got up.

"That's another no go chief, they were forced to close early - someone said Michael Jackson was going there." Ed said.

Eddy shuddered. "Okay, a little too much information lumpy. At any rate, to Walgreens!"

"Let's hope this trip goes horrbily wrong like the others have." Edd sighed, following his colleagues out the door.

Ed glanced back at Edd. "Don't say that Double D, or Michael Jackson will come for you!" He said gravely.

"It's such a shame that won't happen." Eddy muttered under his breath.

The self-proclaimed leader of the trio pressed the 'down' button of the elevator. It lit up for two seconds, then suddenly shut off. Eddy perked up after realizing what happened and pressed it again. It lit up for half a second this time before shutting off. Eddy groweled, rapidly pressing the button even though it wasn't lighting up. "This stupid thing's getting on my nerves! Why won't it light up!?!"

Edd rose an eyebrow. "Perhaps the elevator was damaged in that little escapade we witnessed earlier."

Ed trudged over to the button after it lit up on its own. "Allow me!" He said heartily.

Eddy grabbed Ed's jacket, attempting to pull him back, but the big guy remained still. "No you idiot its fine! Don't-"

**_Bsssrkk...BANG!!!_**

Ed punched the button, his fist protruding into the wall behind where it was placed. He grabbed hold of some wires and began tugging on them, ripping them apart moments later.

"Ed, do you have any idea what you've just done!?!" Edd outbursted, nervously placing his hands on his head.

Ed blinked. "Nope, not a thing Double D." He plainly stated.

Sparks began to dance near the now ripped open wire coverings, some flying out of the opening in the wall. A miniature segment of explosions erupted moments later for some unkown reason that cartoon antics could only explain. Finally, a somewhat medium sized explosion erupted, sending the Eds smacking into a nearby wall.

"You idiot!" Eddy spat, "That's coming out of your paycheck!"

The trio of Eds managed to pry their now charred black bodies off a wall that was burnt in various places. They blinked, then proceeded to remove the stuff by shaking left and right as all cartoon characters do.

Eddy turned around, now pacing toward the stairs. "That tears it, we're taking the stairs - no ifs, ands, or buts about it!...Heh, buts."

Edd and Ed shot the boy a baffled gaze as he began to laugh uncontrollably while walking down the stairs. They shrugged at each other before following suite.

Jimmy peered out of his doorway, homemade cigarette in hand while he witnessed the trio head down the stairs. "Whoo, that was a close call - those three might of discovered my Mary J cashcow I've been keeping secret." He took a puff of his cigarette before entering his room, which was decorated with numerous bullet holes. "Dang it!" He hissed, "Those prostitutes stole my plants!"

* * *

"Eddy, by any chance did you smack that girl's butt?" 

Eddy chuckled, having witnessed 'Eddy'z uh pimp$' imprinted on the back of her short skirt. "Nope, nothing of that sort Eddward. I am a sophisticated gentleman who would not dream of stooping to such shennanigins."

Edd folded his arms. "Right, we'll go with that - for now at least."

Ed came speeding by on a shopping cart, bumping into the two and running them over before crashing into a man, who knocked over a ladder which was supporting a man sorting things, but he ended up knocking the aisle rack over which crushed a hobo who was dancing giddily because he found a miniscule chip crumb that he beat from a rat that carried rabies. The impact of the aisle falling caused the nearby floor to crack, and that crack cracked on over and around half of the store, causing it to cracking crack the crackingest crack that caused it to sink five feet under because it was a massive crack created by mole people who emerged from the ground, and some guy exclaimed that he was right mole people existed, but he was killed by their laser death rays of doom because they were a highly civilized, technologically savvy race from outer space that crashed into the earth years ago and-

"Enough!" Eddy furiously shouted, breaking the screen with a sledgehammer, "I hate text walls!"

Ed frowned. "Aww!" He whined, saddened by the fact Eddy had smashed his favorite 'Sim Your Boring Uninteresting Everyday Life Because You Are Extremely Bored Which Is Why You Are Playing This So Stop Reading This Boring Freakishly Long Title And Play The Fricking Boring Game 98532561870187.

"The fact they made that many sequels disturbs me." Edd said, shuddering.

Eddy dragged the sledgedhammer along the ground, walking further into the store. "And so do those porn tapes your hippo of an aunt made, but you don't see me whining like a wuss."

Edd gasped. "I'll have you know she was extremely big boned, or something to that effect! Sure the heffer jokes were funny, but it was in her genes!"

"You sure it wasn't overeating? From what I heard, it was her favorite pasttime and hobby." Eddy rose an eyebrow, smirking devilishly.

An employee rushed up to the duo moments later. "Hey, I don't think you know, but we've got a strict you break it you buy it policy and-"

"I ain't paying you didley! I don't own that piece of crap you people call a game!" Eddy threw the sledgehammer at the clerk, knocking him out.

"Nice." Edd spoke with little enthusiasm.

"Whatever, let's just get the junk so we can get out of here!" Eddy scoffed, storming down an aisle.

* * *

"Frick! How much crap did that person buy!?!" Eddy glowered at the back of the customer's large cranium, but later smirked after seeing his reflection. 

"Wood varnish, more wood varnish, some more wood varnish, wood varnish, lettuce, lettuce, tomatoes, more tomatoes, carrots, peas, tofu, more tofu, a truckload of tofu, apples, grapes, fifteen bunches of bananas, nineteen packs of Dasani bottled water..."

The big headed customre smiled giddily as the clerk finished scanning his items. "Alright Plank, we can have that rocking night party we told everyone about!"

The clerk totaled up the amount on the register. "Okay sir, your total comes to...$7,567.82. I'm guessing you'd like bags of the new 'big ass' variety which leads me to ask: Paper or Plastic?"

"Paper!" The big headed customer - ah, you know who it is. Anyway, Jonny exclaimed. "That should cut back on environmental pollution!"

The clerk blinked. "Whatever." He pushed a button that caused a freakishly large bag to rise from the ground as the items were haphazardly shoved in it.

Jonny placed a newly made $10,000 bill with the 1,015th president Peter Griffin's face on it in the clerk's hand. He then managed to somehow grab the bag and shove it in his back pocket before pacing out the store.

Eddy and Edd happened to be next in line, so they wheeled the cart up to the cashier. "Hey, I heard you got beaten like a rag doll by Rolf the other day!" The cashier chuckled, pointing at Eddy.

Eddy groweled, pulling out a sawed off shotgun from his side pocket. "Oh yeah? We'll see about that after I pump you full of lead!"

The clerk rose an eyebrow. "I know I'm not supposed to be saying this since my life is in danger, but you got that gun pointed at your head..."

Indeed, Eddy had the gun pointed towards his face - which would mean sudden death if he were to fire it, and naturally being the smartaleck he was, he'd do it and somehow survive like all cartoon characters do; when in all actuality their brain and blood should be splattered all over the floor.

"Shutup! I think I know how to manage a gun retard!" Edd shook his head, sighing after Eddy finished his sentence.

"Okay buddy, it's your funeral." The clerk said gravely.

Eddy huffed. "Alright if it'll stop your whining.." He spun the gun around so it was now pointed at the clerk. Eddy pulled the trigger, causing a silence to fall upon the store as nothing happened. Eddy pressed the trigger once again before pressing it rapidly because of nothing happening. He pressed it one more time, causing a stick and confetti to shoot out. A flag that read '**BANG!**' unraveled moments later, angering Eddy to the point where he tossed the gun on the ground.

"That was a surprise. I thought you would've blown your brains out." Edd said, shocked at the outcome of the event.

"Whatever!" Eddy scoffed. "I can't believe Ed talked me into buying that piece of crap! Let's get this stuff paid for before I blow this joint up for no apparent reason!"

The clerk let out a sigh of relief before proceeding to scan the Eds' items. "Sure thing man."

* * *

"Let's get out of this dump Ed." Eddy said, grabbing Ed by his ear and dragging him out of the store. 

Ed flailed his arms. "But Eddy, I almost finished fixing the machine and-"

"Shut it Ed - we're getting out of here, and none of your retarded death threats will work this time!"

Edd slowly trudged after the two. "Well, it's nice that for once nothing happened to the-"

Edd was cut off by an audible explosion cloud composed of green smoke that caused the building to go up into the air and smash down on the ground, walls and roof separated for some moments before coming back together.

Eddy chuckled devilishly. "Like I'd end that streak now sockhead! That place'll be fumigated for weeks thanks to the classic 'Almongo Stinkbomb' I left behind.

"Of course, I shouldn't have expected less." Edd huffed, eyebrows lowered.

Ed sprinted to the car. "This is going to be like one of those mafia getaway things!" He exclaimed giddily.

"Don't get your hopes up lumpy, I got a gut feeling we're going to skip ahead to when we get back." Eddy said, unlocking the Mclaren.

Edd rose an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?" He questioned

"Shutup so we can skip ahead already!" Eddy spat.

_One hour, twenty accidents, and eight freeway closings later..._

"See? What'd I tell ya!"

Edd scratched his head, sporting a curious look. "That's proposterous! Nothing of that sort should be possible!"

Ed trudged into the building, eight bags containing the medical items balanced on his head. "And that's what makes the boring world we live in so fun!" He giddily exclaimed.

The trio paced up the stairs, only to be greeted by hails of bullets that shot back and forth in front of them.

"I knew you stole my plants you tramp!" Jimmy yelled over the loud noise of bullets being fired.

"So what if I did!?! Are you going to cry to your mom about it!?!" Sarah teased.

Edd sported a confused expression. "They're standing across from each other with no cover whatsoever, and yet all their shots have missed so far."

"Weird ain't it?" Eddy said.

"Hey!" Ed suddenly outbursted, "What's going on here!?! Eddy's been letting up on the insults and the usual 'That's coming out of your paycheck!' And, unpredictable cartoon like antics have been unfolding all day! You think something happened to Death?"

Both Eddy and Edd tilted thier heads to the side. "Ed?' They asked in unison.

Ed blinked. "I rest my case. Death hasn't been restraining the laws of chaos, order, and actuality all together!"

Jimmy and Sarah ceased firing at each other at this time, now starting to yell out various curses and insults - some of them known only to dolphins.

The Eds trudged up the stairs, ignoring the scene Jimmy and Sarah had made altogether, and paced over to Edd's room.

"I tell ya," Eddy chuckled while Edd opened the door, "This place is really fu-"

And just before Eddy could finish his sentence, the screen shattered and a teenage boy clad in light armor appeared with an armgun pointed at the screen.

"Sorry viewers, but due to the restrictions of the FSSSMACIFFOFFWBTTIPTMOTAOPC(Freaking Scary Strict Soccer Moms Against Cussing In Fan-Fiction On Fan-Fiction Websites Because They Think It Poisons The Minds Of Their And Other People's Children) The last eighty-eight segments of this chapter have been cut due to it resulting in possible banning, or ups on the fiction rating. I'd tell you what it is, but I'd risk getting my ass blown off by - oh sh-"

A black device around the boy's neck immediately lit up and began to beep. He ran around, arms flailing in the air as he screamed bloody murder and shouted out various curses in a pre-set cycle.

"Thaaaaaaaat's aaaaaaaaaaall foooooooooolksss!" The boy wailed as the collar blew up, sending him flying all over the screen before crashing into it and causing the now black screen to shatter.

Eddy walked in sometime later, glancing around the now white area he was in. "Ah, where the hell am I now!?!" He stomped the ground in frustration. "Oh !!!!!!!!!"

The screen fizzed away, suddenly replaced by one of those 'Please Stand By' messages that causes people to throw something at the T.V., and/or storm out the room.

A huge tongue licked the screen as it came back to the 'Scheduled Program'. "Haalllooo!" Ed giddily shouted, "My name is-"

"What a freak, next!" What appeared to be a skeleton concealed in a black robe was sprawled out across a couch in front of a television set yelled. The skeleton sneezed before changing the channel.

"Anyone!?! I'm breaking the habit literally over here! Could someone help me! Some assistance would be helpful people!" Edd banged on the screen, holding up a sign that read 'Please Assist' every so often. He threw the sign down sometime later, and sprinted off screen.

"Crap!" Death(as if you couldn't tell!) threw the remote at the T.V. which somehow made it shut off. "I catch a freaking cold because I go to kill a penguin in the Polar Ice Caps! I'm a a freking skeleton - freaking Death for crying out loud! I don't catch colds! And messing with reality through this T.V. gets boring after five seconds!"

"Timothy! How many times do I have to tell you, no messing with reality when you get sick!"

"I'm not mom!" Death called. "Geez, I'm like 900 trillion years old for crying out loud!"

_Somewhere in some secret hidden area no one knows about..._

"We steal a government computer, and it doesn't even come with an 'Uncrap' for bootleg DVDs feature!"

"Shutup man, I'm tired of your whining! Besides, it took us like twenty-years of planning to steal that thing!"

"Y'know what?"

"What?"

"I don't know what."

**_PUNCH!_**

"What was that for!"

"For being a fricking idiot!"

"Okay!"

"I know what, screw this! Yeah! This random stuff makes me die inside from bashing myself for trying to understand it! I mean, it's like Bo7 for crying out loud! Just stop all this and go read a fricking book or something!"

"Dude, I don't even think we have names!"

"Screw everything! If you need me, I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off a 900 billion foot cliff."

"Okay, see ya when you get back!"

_Back at Edd's room..._

Eddy gave a baffled stare at the T.V. "I don't remember acting in that episode! In fact, I don't remember there being another episode! We weren't filming till the fall, and then we were going to tackle that movie!"

Ed glanced at the two. "Well, looks like there's only one way to end this stalled out chapter."

Edd rose an eyebrow. "How so?"

The trio turned to face the screen. "D'oh!" They said loudly with random facial expressions.

_Okaaay, that was random... Anyway, read and review. Three reviews means a new chapter, so it's time for you readers to tackle your job - you've been slacking lately ;)_


	5. Adventures In Home Depot

_Well it''s been a looong while, and I couldn't get inspiration because I was busy with other things. I apologize the last chapter wasn't to the majority of you guys' liking, so I hope this chapter is much, much better. That being said, I appreciate the critiques and reviews - keep em coming! ;)_

* * *

Eddy hummed aloud, slumping over a keyboard and glowering at a computer monitor in disgust.

"Who the hell do these people think they are!?" He yelled furiously, bashing the keyboard to ease his frustration, "having the nerve to say that this piece I spent two seconds slaving over isn't that funny!"

Edd sighed, refusing to look up from his novel. Ed, paying little attention to what was going on, nervously paced the room whilst making various twitchy motions.

Eddy opened his mouth to continue his rant, but slowly lowered his brow as Ed continued to pace the room. He proceeded to rest his cheek on his knuckle, tapping his fingers on the desk in annoyance.

"Where did I put my unfinished gravy cakes?" Ed whimpered, pulling and pushing various objects out of place as he continued the frantic search for his beloved snack food. The tall dimwitted boy proceeded to pry up a floorboard, carelessly flinging it behind him before proceeding to inspect under the floor.

"Guah!!" cried an unsuspecting Edd, who had been hit with the aforementioned bludgeoned object. The boy was forced backwards and tumbled off his chair and onto the floor; skidding the book halfway across the room in the process.

Eddy let out a chortle of satisfaction as Edd slowly rose from the floor, clutching his head in pain. "Ed, remind me to give you a raise or something later."

"Can't talk now Eddy," Ed promptly replied, hopping to a standing position, "I need to find my gravy cakes!"

Eddy sported a mischievious smirk. "To busy too accept my praise, eh? Maybe you'll realise how important it is when your job's on the line."

Edd slowly trudged over to Ed, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder, "Trust me Ed, you'd be much better off without-"

"Bleh!!" Eddy interjected, "I can't believe how slow today's been going!" He slammed his feet on the desk, leaning back in his chair and folded his arms. "I hope you're happy," Eddy glowered, pointing an accusing finger at Edd, who casually strolled over to retrieve his fallen book. "Thanks to your constant whining, nothing's going to happen today!"

Edd chuckled. "I'm guessing that last chapter for that alleged fan-fic you were working on didn't turn out as you had hoped." The boy flattened out the messed up pages of the book before proceeding to close it, and place it back on a nearby bookshelf.

"Those losers were just mad because my story was too awesome for them!" Eddy spat back in an irate manner, spinning his chair so that his back was turned to Edd, "I'd tell them to get their heads out of their asses, but I've got better things to do."

"Such as?" Edd questioned, placing his hands on his hips as he stood straight in a confident pose; sporting a cunning grin.

"Deducting cash from your fricken paycheck!" Eddy yelled with sudden zeal, immediately rising from his chair as he shot Edd an indignant glare. "See? I hope you've learned today that being a smartass in society gets you nowhere - _ever_."

Ed quickly spun around as he ran a hand through a drawer he was currently searching in. "But, Eddy, what about-"

"_Never,_" Eddy spoke in a commanding tone. As Ed opened his mouth to speak again, Eddy quickly folded his arms as he closed his eyes, cocking his head back so that his chin was raised in the air. He shifted his weight to one leg as he quickly stated, "Never times infinity and beyond burr-head, I win!!"

Ed leaned his head down in defeat as Eddy began to laugh at his childish antics. Edd heaved a sigh, as he shook his head.

"Honestly Eddy, it's hard to believe you wonder why people are easily annoyed by your antics."

"And yet again you forget that I don't give a-"

"Found it!" Ed outbursted in a joyous relieved tone as he held a pair of white briefs with a large brown stain high in the air, "I forgot I hid them in Double D's underwear drawer where no one would think of finding them!"

Eddy and Edd shot Ed questioning glares as the boy lowered the briefs and pulled his beloved snack foods out, haphazardly tossing the undergarment on the floor before consuming his treat.

Edd blinked before finally opening his mouth to speak. "Of all the disgusting, immoral, unsanitary-"

Eddy narrowed his eyes at Ed, waving his hand at the boy to get his attention. "Lumpy, Fritos; stat."

Ed shoved the rest of the gravy smothered biscuits in his mouth before reaching his now gravy covered hand back into the drawer, and pulling out a newly opened bag of Fritos. He tossed them over to Eddy, who immediately reached his hand in the bag to retrieve some corn chips.

Edd shifted his gaze from Eddy to Ed about five times before shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't believe this! Am I the only one who sees what's wrong with this!?"

"Big deal." Eddy huffed, "Just remember not to put your tidey-whiteys in me and Ed's snack drawer."

"Excuse me!?" Edd questioned, sporting a look of disbelief and disgust, "I do believe that drawer was specifcally reserved for the storage of my undergarments!"

Eddy ignored Edd's statement, and instead focused on consuming his corn chips.

Ed trotted over to Edd, pinching his cheeks as he began to tease the boy. "Awwww, Dwoubwle Dwee's bween cwankwy bwecwause he whad whiddle cwumbs in his hiney whiney!"

Edd frowned as Eddy and Ed chuckled aloud. He opened his mouth to make a remark, but was interrupted with the abrupt ringing of the phone.

Eddy stifled his laughter as he picked the phone off the reciever and placed it to his ear. "Hellooo, valued customer, you've reached The3Eds - totally awesome dudes performing your jobs with awesome style. How may we help you today?"

There was a long silence, and the three began to stare at each other with puzzeled expressions. Eddy cleared his throat as he began to speak again. "Look pal, you've got some nerve holding up the line like this - do you have _any _freakin' idea at how many calls you're causing me to miss!?" The boy adjusted the phone so that it was now in ample position for him to yell into the speaker part. "Speak up dammit! I'm losing what little sanity I've left, and God knows you wouldn't want me to waste it opening a can of deluxe whup-ass on you!"

"I'm surprised you had _any_ sanity to begin with." Edd commented aloud, smirking as Eddy simply flipped him off.

"Can't you see I'm busy instilling fear into the mind of this jackass!?" Eddy's voice boomed as he turned his head away from the phone, " If you're that antsy, I'll beat your ass with a wet noodle when I'm done; sound good?"

Ed wagged a finger at Edd, who narrowed his eyes as he began to taunt the boy. "Naughty, naughty, you watch yourself mister!"

Eddy began to tap his foot impatiently as he heaved a sigh of annoyance. "The silent type, eh? Well I've got ways for dealing with sons of morose pigs like you!"

Eddy held the phone in front of his face as he began to press and hold random numbers so that the caller would be on the recieving end of an unpleasant beeping noise. "Yeah! That'll teach ya to make me lose money!" Eddy began to press more buttons as he grinned devilishly with satisfaction.

"Yeah, you show em Eddy!" Ed cheered in his usual dumb tone as Edd slowly ambled towards the desk. He shook his head, whispering something unintelligible under a sigh as he forcefully snatched the phone out of Eddy's grasp.

"Hey!" Eddy yelled in anger, glowering at Edd, "I wasn't finished giving that jerk a piece of my mind!"

"Sorry, _Plank_," Edd glared at Eddy who just shot the boy a blank stare. "but could you please put Jonny on the phone?"

There was another brief moment of silence as Eddy grumbled something unintelligible under his breath as he continued to glower at Edd. "I never knew Plank could use the phone!" Ed shouted in amazement, placing a finger on his chin.

"Yeah, whod've thought, Ed." Eddy grumbled before being immediately hushed by Edd.

"Sorry about that Double D, nature called and Plank couldn't wait any longer to give you guys a ring!" Jonny spoke in his usual cheerful tone.

"Oh, it's no problem Jonny," Edd chuckled, "so what is it you'd like to ask of us today?"

"I'll fill you guys in when you get to my room - you know where it-"

_SLAM!_

Eddy sported a look of accomplishment as he pushed the reciever off the desk, causing the phone to slip out of Edd's grasp.

Eddy slammed his hands on the desk before resuming an upright position. "If that fathead thinks he can prank call us without a fricking consequence, he's got another thing coming!" The boy stormed over towards the door, slamming it open before disappearing into the hallway.

Ed peered his head out into the hall, scanning it thoroughly but finding no trace of Eddy. "Double D, did Eddy go to pet some chickens?"

Edd shot the boy a vacant gaze as he continued. "That's what I do when I'm mad - I love chickens."

"Don't worry Ed, he'll be back soon enough." Edd forced a chuckle as he walked over towards the boy. "But please do try to keep pace Ed, we've another meaningless job to do."

"Where the frick is that fat head's room!" Eddy's voice boomed not so far from the doorway. The frustrated boy re-entered the room, slamming his fist against the wall. "They must've changed the layout again without telling us! They never tell us anything!!" Eddy stomped his foot on the ground before glaring at Edd.

"You're the smartass!" Eddy yelled, shoving an indignant finger in his face, "hurry up and lead us to the stupid room so I can get my money!"

Edd sighed as he ambled into the hallway. "Honestly, you can be so worked up over the most trivial things."

"Your sister can get worked up because I'm not there every night!" Eddy huffed, crossing his arms as he stormed after Edd. "Hurry up lumpy, or I'll use your monobrow as a toothpick again!"

Ed frantically began to run in place, hurrily slamming the door shut before running to catch up with his fellow co-workers.

* * *

"This better bring the ratings up." Eddy mumbled under his breath as he came to a stop in front of Jonny's room.

Edd shot Eddy a questioning gaze as he slowly made his way towards the door. "I'm sorry, but were you addressing me?" He asked as knocked on the door.

"No, asshole." Eddy huffed, rolling his eyes while impatiently slamming the door open before proceeding to barge unexpectingly into Jonny's room.

"Knock, knock Jonny!" Ed cheerily exclaimed as he and Edd followed Eddy suite.

Jonny looked up at the boys as he held Plank in front of them. "Thanks fer comin guys, I need ya to do me a real important favor fer me."

Edd and Ed curiously waited for the task they were about to recieve, but Eddy shoved the two aside and leaned over the hunk of wood.

"So we meet again, eh Planky?" Eddy narrowed his eyes as the hunk of wood's drawn on crayon face merely smiled back at him. "You got some nerve tying up the line like that, you dirty son of a-"

"Jonny," Edd interjected, " I believe you were about to tell us what you need us to do."

Eddy glanced back at Edd, blinking before standing up. "I see where you're going with this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock your pay for meddling in my affairs."

Edd shifted his weight to his other leg, and looked down at Jonny - unphased by Eddy's statement.

Jonny held Plank to his ear, nodding twice before relaying to the trio what the hunk of wood "said". "Plank says to blow it out of those satellite dishes you call ears, Eddy."

"Satellite dishes!?" Eddy quickly pointed an angry finger at the hunk of wood. "How'd you like to take a tour of a sawmill?"

"Silence!" Ed yelled, arms outstretched in the air. Everyone came to an abrupt halt and turned towards him as he continued. "Bob: Defender of the Bunyan People comes on soon, and I shall not miss its bunyany goodness!"

Jonny slowly nodded and shifted his gaze so that he was looking at all three Eds. "Nazz is havin' her pool party tomorrow, and Plank wants to look nice n' shiny! So I need ya' to go down to Home Depot and pick up some polish!"

"Fine," Eddy said rather reluctantly, but then began to smirk devilishly, "but there's going to be an additional fee of twenty-five dollars for tying up the company phone line!"

Edd turned towards Eddy, eyes narrowed and his eyebrow raised. Eddy briefly glanced back, stifling his devilish chortle.

Jonny held Plank up to his ear once more. "Plank says he's only paying fifteen dollars; take it or leave it. Good one buddy!"

Eddy's laughter immediately silenced as he shot Jonny a vacant gaze. He huffed, jamming his hands in his pockets as he stormed out the room. "I can never do whatever the frick I please!" He yelled, realizing his defeat as he stormed towards the elevator.

Edd turned towards Jonny. "'We'll be back momentarily' is what I'd like to say, but judging from past events, we'll most likely get into some trouble along the way." Edd heaved a sigh as he proceeded to leave the room. Ed followed Edd suite, and the two abruptly left the room, closing the door behind them.

"What do you mean the local Home Depot's gunna shut down buddy?" Jonny asked as he shot Plank a questioning glare, "You say the weirdest stuff sometimes..."

* * *

"Eddy!" Edd yelled in protest over the sound of various car horns flaring in unison as Eddy merged to and fro into lanes without signaling, "must you drive so recklessly!"

"But the car part's the best part of the job Double D!" Ed exclaimed, sticking his feet out the backseat sunroof.

Eddy exited the freeway, running two red lights and barely avoiding the oncoming traffic, who flared their horns in unison as they drove by.

Edd sunk bank in his seat, placing his head in his hands. "Why is it that you must go deliberitly out of your way to amuse yourself, despite the fact you could cause great bodily harm to yourself or others!?"

"Quit your freakin' bellyaching," Eddy said uninterestedly as he handled the steering wheel with one finger, "in case you didn't realise, no one likes a nerdy, wimpy pansy."

"Yes, but they're much more okay with egotistical, money-grubbing jerks who care nothing for the safety and well-being of others." Edd retorted in a sarcastic tone, shooting Eddy an accusing glare.

"Darn right!" Eddy shouted indignantly, taking his hands off the steering wheel to smack a fist in his palm, "Pay attention Ed, this is some important stuff here!"

"Got it Eddy!" Ed shouted gleefully, amused at the fact his feet were hanging out the sunroof.

Edd heaved a sigh of disappointment. "It's times like these that make me question why I actually helped support your backwater, third-rate business."

Eddy leaned back in his seat, resting his head over his arms. Edd gasped as the car nearly swerved into a large stream of incoming traffic, hyperventalating as he leaned over to grasp the steering wheel and swerve the car back into the right lane.

"Just when I thought your pansy ass couldn't get any pansier," Eddy chuckled, forcefully backhanding Edd away as he retook control of the steering wheel, "but I guess you just can't help it, can you sockhead?"

Edd rubbed his now sore cheek, huffing as he turned in his seat to face the window. "I can't say I won't be happy when you're burning in hell."

Eddy turned to the boy in annoyance. "Keeping secrets eh, sockhead? Ed, remind me to dock his pay!"

"Gotcha Eddy!" Ed laughed, signaling an 'OK' sign for Eddy to see.

Edd heaved a sigh of relief as they came to a halt before a short line of cars stopped at a red light. Eddy winced, while Ed raised an angered fist.

"What is this light, painted red!?" Eddy spat, tapping the steering wheel impatiently.

Edd blinked, turning towards Eddy to shoot him a questioning glare. "Eddy, we just arrived at the-"

"Rhetorical questions aren't meant to be answered by smartasses! I hope you're glad to know that that's coming out of your paycheck!"

"Oh joy." Edd spoke with little enthusiasm as he rested his cheek on his knuckle, "You'd be better off just taking the wrong lane instead of waiting for the light to change. I get the feeling you were going to do it sooner or later, so just go ahead and do it now - before I change my mind."

Eddy blinked, glancing at Edd questioningly. The sock-hatted boy simply returned the glance as if he was impatiently awaiting the aforementioned action. Eddy huffed in annoyance, switching the gear to _reverse_ and slamming into the front bumper of car. The driver flared the cars horn as the Mclaren continued to back up and cause an even bigger dent in the bumper. Eddy quickly switched the gear to_ drive _before stamping his foot on the gas pedal, causing the car to speed off.

"God, you can be so anal sometimes!" Eddy barked, unconsciously merging into a lane and smacking a Volkswagen that began to swerve out of control and crash into a wall. "Talk about PMS." Eddy muttered silently under his breath.

* * *

"Waay biig!" Ed gleefully shouted in amazement as the trio aimlessly wandered up and down the aisles.

Eddy angrily scanned the nearby aisleways, turning towards Edd in disgust. "So, smartguy, where the hell is the polish!?"

Edd frowned. "Eddy, we've wandered aimlessly for thirty minutes - wouldn't be much easier to-"

"Excuses!" Eddy interrupted, "I've got a much more brilliant idea to one-up your ass anyway - Ed give me a boost!"

"Roger wilco, Eddy!" Ed propped the boy up onto his shoulders, and Eddy immediately stood upright. Eddy proceeded to grasp the storage rack and began climbing to the top.

Edd rose an eyebrow. "What are you-" The boy was immediately cut off as Eddy kicked a can of paint his way while trying to regain his footing.

"I'm getting a better view, what's it look like sockhead!? Of course you never have once understood my brilliance." Eddy chuckled to himself as he continued his climb.

Ed clasped his hands together. "So cool!" He shouted, "This is just like 'Bob: Tactical Espionage Potato Chip!'!!"

"If this doesn't get us kicked out of the store, I've no idea what will." Edd sighed, running a hand through some of his exposed hair.

Eddy finally reached the top, proceeding to thouroughly scan the store for any traces of polish. "Those jerks! They always have the nerve to put the thing you're looking for in a place where you can't think of - WUARGH!"

As Eddy began to stomp in frustration, the rack began to wobble to and fro. The boy was flung off as the rack collapsed backwards, colliding into another rack which collided into another. The rest of the racks began to collapse in a domino fashion, causing various objects that were stacked on them to be flung violently around the store.

People scattered around like frenzied ants as the chaos ensued. The Eds gave a vacant gaze as one frenzied passerby rammed his car through the glass window and violently swerved into the power tools section. The passerby gasped as the very last rack loomed over his car, casting an enormous shadow over it. The passerby nervously tried to unlock his car, but accidentally kept locking it in his frantic state. His eyes widened and he let out a deathcurdling scream as the rack forcefully collapsed onto his car.

The trio of Eds winced at the impact, then took a moment to gaze at the now decimated store. Eddy looked down as he felt something bump against his shoe. He quickly picked up the object and carefully examined it.

"Mission Accomplished!" Eddy yelled in a joyous tone, holding the object for his colleagues to see, "This here's pure, one-hundred percent wood polish!"

"And you only had to decimate a store to do so." Edd sighed.

Eddy sported a wide, devilish grin. "Ah, but you seem to forget the fact that we don't have to pay for it!"

"Eddy's the man!" Ed exclaimed, jumping for joy.

Edd sighed, strolling over to a collapsed bin where tons of cans of wood polish were lying about. "If Eddy's the man Ed, how do you explain this?"

Edd picked up a collapsed sign that was lying not too far from the bin. He held it up, flashing it for Ed and Eddy to see.

_Home Depot Special: One Day Sale! Wood Polish: Buy five cans for only one penny!_

There was a long pause as Eddy and Ed vacantly gazed at the sign. They blinked a few times before questioningly gazing at Edd.

Eddy folded his arms, closing his eyes as he turned away. "That's obviously a misprint - what lameass has pennies to just fling around like that!" Edd sighed as Eddy picked himself up off the floor. "Now let's beat it before the fuzz gets here!" He said, motioning towards the door with his thumb.

Eddy and Ed hastily made their way out of the now decimated Home Depot. Edd jammed his hands in his pockets as he slowly trudged after them.

"Some day Eddward, some day." Edd heaved a sigh as he prepared to enter the Mclaren.

Eddy immediately stamped his foot on the gas as Edd entered the vehicle. "All right boys, let's hurry and wrap this up - I've got a half eaten bag of Fritos waiting for me!"

"Oh yeah!" Ed joyously cried, "gun it Eddy!"

Edd shook his head violently. "No, Eddy this is a _really_ bad idea - I don't think you want to - oh God, help meeee!!"

A series of deathcurdling wails and joyous screams could be heard as the Mclaren zoomed off into the sunset.

* * *

_Sorry I haven't updated in a while, and I do hope that this makes up for the last chapter. You know the drill, read, review, and have a good time! XP_


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